Real Stories Real People

“Should I Tell My Child Gramps Is Dead?”

2012-01-10T13:41:00.001-08:00

Death is something many of us will face at one time or another, if we haven’t experienced it already. When something tragic happens we try to shield our children, but when gramps dies, it is not as easy to ignore, particularly when the child inquires about gramps. So what do you say? Do you make up stories, like he/she has gone to heaven; or do you just come right out with it and say “Gramps is dead”?

My thoughts about this are based on my personal experiences. At 8 I saw my favorite grandmother sleeping in this beautifully decorated white Satin box. I was afraid. And some adults insisted that I kiss her for one last time. The coldness of her face haunted me for years.

The adults present may not have known what to do, so they did nothing. It’s like that sometimes, either they say the wrong things, or nothing. I remember how upset, confused and angry I was as a child. Looking back now, having experienced many deaths and children that need to be told, I opt to explain what is going on.

When death happens to close family members, it can be emotional, and everyone is focused on getting through. If you are not able to talk to your child, then have another family member or friend do it. Take the time to embrace this child, even if you are still upset, acknowledging that they too maybe hurting and need a hug, makes the child feel a part of rather than excluded.

Children need to know that people die. Telling children about death can be difficult. How you tell them depends upon your feelings and beliefs. Everyone who lives will eventually die, so shielding them by not saying anything will cause them to form their own opinions, or perceptions, which can lead to wrong conclusions. When you tell them, patiently respond to their questions, allow them to express themselves in whatever way they choose.

Rebuilding your life after someone you love has died (click here)

How to Stop Being a Part of the Lonely Women’s Club

2011-12-30T13:50:00.000-08:00

Lonely women can do one of two things to shed the feeling of loneliness: stop complaining about how lonely you are and decide to do something about it. Look around! Everywhere you turn there are people, some may feel lonely walking among crowds of people. You may be experiencing the same thing. Think about where you are in your feelings. Why have you labeled yourself among the lonely women? We all have moments in our lives where we host a pity party.

Why are lonely women bemoaning their state of being alone? Know this, you are here because you have given up and decided to stay lonely. You have made a decision for whatever reason to imprison yourself. It could be that a situation happened, where you went into isolation and before you knew it you were trapped in this jail called loneliness.

You didn’t intend for it to happen but it did. Perhaps you were feeling sad about something, or feeling sorry for yourself, and your solution was to isolate yourself only to find little comfort. How you ended up a part of the lonely women’s club doesn’t matter. You are not alone.

Enough said. You are tired of being one of those lonely women. The first step to change: admit you are lonely and you desire the company of others. Before you began to look elsewhere for company consider this: your thinking goes up and down, controlled by your feelings, but this has gotten you no where. You are off track. You are the victim of wrong thoughts that condemn rather than build you up.

At this point you have a choice: you can keep holding on to what got you in this spot,

or you can begin to take charge by not ignoring people around you when you are out and about; look at them; connect with a smile, or do some act of kindness. Be aware of their presence. Start looking for opportunities to serve others. Get out of the house. The power is in your hands to stop being a part of the lonely women’s club. Speak to people whether they speak or not. Do something kind for your neighbors. Call family whom you haven’t spoken to for awhile on a weekly basis. Write notes to friends, family, and even neighbors.

Imagine what would happen if you applied the choices given above, and conducted yourself the way God instructs: “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’." (Hebrews 13:5)

This is something to think about, that you may not have physical company but you have the company of the one you can’t see every day, any time, but He is with you. Lonely women suffer because they focus on what they don’t have compared to others, rather than taken the lead to make something happen.

You can lead an exciting, action filled life (click here)

22-Things That “Ruffle My Feathers”—And Adding

2011-12-20T14:47:00.000-08:00

1. Riding on the highway at 70 miles an hour behind pick up trucks
    with un-secured items that are untied and have the potential to
   fly off the truck… you know it because you
    have seen those items along the highway in your travels.

2. Cement trucks with gravel, or cement flying off, hitting my car, or my windshield.

3. Trucks that litter the highway with retread tires

4. People who want to lead but don’t have a direction

5. Kids who say “I’m Bored” but when you ask them what do they want to do they say, “I don’t know”.

6. Manipulators who solicit advice, then say, “you seen to know
so much more about this than I do. . .

Now they are looking for you to volunteer to do it for them

7. Controlling personalities

8. Inconsistent parents who are creating demons to unleash on an unsuspecting society to control and manage

9. The “don’t care” attitude of some businesses toward customers;
lack of appreciation; not valuing customers business

10. Smokers who read the warnings on the label and smoke on

11. The use of half naked women to sell products
and services and the women who don’t know they’re being

exploited.

12. Parents who say they can’t do anything with
five year old Anna or thirteen year old Jimmy.

13. The increase in adult peep houses in family oriented communities.

14. One church program too many, putting the squeeze
on an already squeezed pew warmer.

15. Five churches side by side with five members each

16. Copy cats: Imitating others; having no original thoughts or ideas

17. Working with unorganized folks

18. Prosecuting U.S. soldiers for doing their job in a war
torn area, especially when the enemy has been

known to use women and children as shields
and participants in carrying out acts against our soldiers.

19. Government cover up of the global warming, and much more

20. Car salesman who are all over you when you step foot on the lot

21. Injustice of the disadvantaged regardless of culture

22. Auto flushing toilets that don’t flush automatically

Wow! Didn’t realize I had so many feather ruffling issues. I wonder if you can top this list. Email me

your list.

“My Husband Walked Out On Us”

2011-12-18T13:46:00.000-08:00

(From the Diary of a Sad Housewife)

“I dug my heels in one time too many over the years and refused to compromise; it was my way or no way. I didn’t care. Finally, my husband walked out. I guess he just got tired. I took as much as I could take from him, until he didn’t feel like giving any more. I made a mistake. I was wrong, but it’s too late. I want him back but he does not want to come back.

“We had three children together. The children miss him and ask daily ‘when is daddy coming home?’ He’s made it clear repeatedly he wasn’t leaving them, but me. I’ve been in control of this marriage since it started. I controlled everything, the finances, what we could spend money on and couldn’t, and it was all about my choices, what I thought was right, until my husband walked away.

“Now I see I showed him no respect. I robbed him of his significance, his opinion, his input, me, a selfish, self-centered control freak. I played the game and lost. The year before I told him I was leaving. I was trying to get my way. Before my husband walked he pleaded with me to work it out but I was bull headed and strong and thought this would make him into what I wanted him to be.

“Then something changed. He said, ‘If that is your decision, then I will live with it.’ I hurt him deeply and I was too selfish to recognize that whatever he felt for me was severed. I didn’t leave I stayed and now one year later he’s gone. Relationships are about compromise, not manipulating the other partner to get your needs met, to get your way all the time. That’s why my husband walked.

“I didn’t realize what my husband meant to me until now. Even though my husband walked, he hasn’t quit doing his duties for our children. I miss him now that he has moved on. I’m hoping he will change his mind. My life has changed. I’ve tried to complain to him, blame him for the condition our family is in but he is not buying it. To make matters worse, I spew out anger at him, even say things in front of our kids but he refuses to add fuel to my fire.

“I’m hurt. I tell everyone in the family how he hurt me, how he’s doing me so wrong. If I could just get him to come back, I promise to do better.”

Christmas Stress Tips - Chill Out

2011-12-14T15:16:00.000-08:00

Today is December 14 and there are 11 more days to go. If you are feeling a roller coaster of emotions right about now either from the pressure you are putting on yourself, or you feel others are putting on you, stop and take a break because you are about to bow to Christmas stress.

Identify what is stressing you out, causing you to feel this way. Where is your Christmas stress coming from? Think about what you can do about it. Now ask yourself the question: if I don't do it, will the world come to an end? Seems like a silly question but you may be feeling that desperate.

Do something completely different. Take your Christmas stress to www.aarp.org and click onto one of their bowling games, or word games. . .your choice. Their games are open to any age. Re-focus on something that is less stressful. If you have a yard, take a walk, breathe in the fresh air, talk to yourself. Or you can climb on your stationery bike and pretend you are riding on a bike trail.

Another Christmas stress buster: lock yourself in your bathroom, put a blanket on the floor and just sit. I like to meditate on Spiritual things, read my bible, pray. The idea is to go into a place where you can be quiet, be alone with you, to make the re-connection with peace and purpose, to re-evaluate what this time of the year is really all about.

Assess the things that are stressing you out. Is it lack of money? Demanding children? Your expectations dashed? If it's money, you have what you have. If it's demanding children, it's time to sit them down and have a talk, come to a compromise. If it's your dashed expectations, get over them, life happens, things change.

Enjoy life. You only get one. Spending my count down time catching up on my blogs, packing up the old, getting ready for the new. Don't let Christmas stress steal your Joy.

Be Blessed!

What Does Christmas Mean to You?

2011-12-12T13:56:00.000-08:00

People celebrate Christmas for different reasons. To some Christmas is the time of year where you put up Christmas decorations, throw parties, shop for gifts right up to the last day. And to others though they may do some of that, it carries a different meaning, a time when the birth of a child is born who is the Savior of the world.

When I was doing the Christmas decorations, throwing parties, shop till you drop, to satisfy everyone on my list it was no longer fun. I started to wonder. I would be so excited about shopping for others but when the day comes, it was just one of many gifts received and it just didn’t seem to be a big deal anymore.

I wanted something more but I didn’t know what.. Quite frankly, I remember feeling depressed right after all of the presents were opened, given, and received, thinking, “This sucks. All of the hustle and bustle, long lines, trying to find the perfect gifts for those on my list and before that big moment was over I felt depressed. Christmas as I knew it and celebrated it no longer had the same affect.”

In my quest to make it more, I decided one year to collect gifts for needy children, less fortunate. Only to discover that they had their heart set on something more expensive that mama couldn’t afford and they really, in most instances, were not excited about your wanting to fill their need, just to show love, if it wasn’t Xbox 360, or some other type expensive toy. I felt good about doing something meaningful to someone else at Christmas.

One year I decided to allow my children to pick what they wanted and we would give it to a needy child. That didn’t go over well. Some years we would make a tree using the branches thrown away when people buy trees. One year we made Christmas gifts for each other rather than buying something. They enjoyed that and so did I. Christmas is a great time to teach children powerful lessons in giving to others, rather than receiving.

The years we stopped participating in the commercial frenzy and made Christmas gifts for each other were the some of the most memorable times we shared. Those home made gifts still take the spotlight when we reminisce of Christmas in the past.

It’s not too late to make this year an experience that will last forever (click here).

25 Ways I keep My Life Exciting

2011-12-07T19:26:00.000-08:00

Shopping for perfumes, lipsticks, etc.
Bubble Bath
Bible Devotionals/Meditation
Listening to music
Date Thursday with hubby
Take walks
Learn something new everyday
Cuddle up in recliner with a book
Journal thoughts daily
Shop for bargains on books for personal library
Try new recipes
Sight seeing in local community
Play card games with family
Collect unusual nicknacks
Send cards or notes to family and friends
Make friends
Try different hairstyles
Thrift store shopping
Gardening
Read book from personal library
Try different styles of dress
Look for ways to serve others
Keeping in touch with friends and children
Baking treats for grandchildren
Watching classic movies

My 12-Year Old Grandson Kicks A Hole In My Wall

2011-11-29T14:46:00.000-08:00

If I could for a moment, say this: I would have given anything to have been a fly on the wall when he kicked the wall and his foot goes through it. That had to be a fearful moment. The adults from my childhood would have cut you no slack. It was his way of relieving his anger but little did he know the wall could not stand the impact of his angry release.

He didn’t tell us what he had done. I admit my first reaction was anger. Looking back I now know why they require children to go to school so when parents find out about stuff they are able to cool off before the child comes home.

My husband and I were in shock: “What could have possessed him to kick a hole in the wall.” We kept rehearsing over and over what we were going to do when he got home. My husband said, “I’ll make him fix it.” We discussed how to punish. This dialog went on for a few hours allowing us to get beyond “my emotions,” as the grandparent.

A game plan was put in place: let him get his school work finished first. Act normal, as if we didn’t see it. Once the school work was done my husband took one of his belts and placed it on the table and began asking in his usual calm way: “What happened to my wall?” The tears began to well up in his eyes. In my husband’s patient, probing way he got to the bottom of the fury that caused the wall to be the victim.

Our grandson thought my husband was going to use that belt on him but instead he was allowed to voice his anger. He apologized (on his own) for kicking the hole in the wall. When asked what lessons he learned, he said, “that anger can get you into trouble and that was not the way to handle what I was feeling.”

We hugged each other. After it was over my husband handed him the plaster, the trowel, and assisted him in patching the hole.

Some things children do can make us angry but we must never deal with them in our anger, especially, if we are reacting to what they have done. It is better to give yourself a cooling off period where you can be the parent in control instead of out of control.

Since we are grand-parenting him there is a lot for each of us to learn so we take it one event at a time and ask God to help us to be good stewards over the blessing he has given us through this child

Need help parenting, grandparenting (click here)

What Do You Do With A Neighbor Who Gives But Can’t Receive?

2011-11-21T09:31:00.000-08:00

We have this neighbor who is always thinking of us. When he cuts his grass he rides over and cuts our front yard near him. He goes fishing all the time. Upon his return he shares

some of his catch with us. Anything he grows in his garden he gives, especially if he knows there is something I like.

At first I tried to reciprocate but that would just make him do more. So I stopped trying and learned to say “thank you” and to be appreciative.

Too often we give to get. By his continuous giving I got the message that he desired to give to us and was not looking for anything in return. No matter how hard we tried to give something back to him, it would make him come back with something else.

I was like that. I was not comfortable with others giving me anything, it made me uncomfortable. Perhaps he may have the same issue, and he needs to be able to work through it. In the meantime we will continue to be open, friendly and converse with him on what he wants to talk about.

What kind of neighbors do you have? No matter what type neighbors you have, be to them what you would want them to be to you, even if they are not nice people.

21-Things I No Longer Regret In Life

2011-11-17T12:16:00.001-08:00

I was going to write about “My Biggest Regrets” but as I pondered the word “regrets” I had a change of heart. I lived most of my life in regret, blaming others for why I was where I was in my life, the things that happened to me, having a pity party, but NO MORE.

Growing up too soon, never having a childhood
Having been abused as a child and all the baggage that comes with it
Getting pregnant and giving birth to a son
Two failed marriages
Being different in looks
Not displaying emotions like others
Being unhappy, sad and without joy
That I had not made my first million
Didn’t have rich parents
My children were just average
Being born into the family I am in
Divorced twice and married a 3^rd time
The path my life has taken
Not having more children
Spending four years in college unsure of what I wanted to be
Short term memory due to abuse trauma
My mother and I not seeing eye to eye
Not being emotionally close to my sisters
Having a son as my first child
Close friends from childhood
People that love me for who I am

Some of these 21 things I had some control of, and others I had none. I was born to who I was given to, a choice that was not mine to make. Things happened along the way that revealed my shortcomings, my imperfections, my failures, yet I made it through and in spite of it, all I am glistening like a diamond. I have joy and peace now that I have released the mountain of my regrets to my creator and embraced his will for my life. I have discovered my spiritual purpose which is without limits, and walks in a higher calling than all of the regrets, wouldas, shouldas, and couldas I encounter along my journey through life.

Read how I rose above regret number 22 (click here).

He Committed Suicide and No One Saw It Coming

2011-11-16T12:32:00.000-08:00

How is it that people around us can commit suicide and we have no clue? Are we so busy with out lives that we never look beyond the surface of the people in our family, friends and those we encounter on a daily basis? Should questions go through your mind about what you could have done, or you should you have been more attentive?

These questions are going through my head right now. I got the news on Friday: my cousin had committed suicide. I knew him as a child, but I had not spent time with him as an adult. I loved his father. He was one of my favorite uncles, but I didn’t really know much about him.

After the fact, everyone can speculate on what might have happened, but there were those close by, and no one had an inkling, a gut, an intuition, nothing. It’s finally happened in our family. I have heard of it happening to others but now it’s come home. It doesn’t feel good.

I am saddened but he is gone.

He had children and grandchildren he left behind. His health was poor. He was struggling financially. His spirit was crushed. Rumors had it that he posted a prayer requests online somewhere, maybe a few times; I don’t know. Again, speculation. It’s amazing at the speculation after his death.

I’ve encountered people whose lives were so bad they talked of dying. If they can talk about it, there is a good chance they needed to vent and won’t actually do it. So how do we know who is about at that point? Is there any way to tell? Or does it always come as a surprise?

We may not always know in chance encounters but what we can do is to take the time to

hear, look, care about and show compassion and love to others we meet. So what if that little old lady next door just wants to talk. It’s not just the old, but the young that cross your path. Stop! Take time with people; it maybe their last day of life.

Are the Duggars Irresponsible in Expecting the 20th Child?

2011-11-15T10:54:00.000-08:00

I read the article announcing the Duggars were expecting child number 20. I just stared at it for a moment, pondering “19 children” from a woman’s perspective and thinking Michelle is about to do this again.

Thoughts began to surface: In this economy the Duggars are still adding to the population? What is wrong with those two? I looked closer at the picture to see what

I could see. I thought: how are the children really taking all of this? I realized it bothered me and I didn’t know why. For a moment I even thought of how selfish they are as parents, husband and wife. My thinking moved over into: what is missing in their lives that could be at the root of adding to the Duggar family?

I am probably not the only one that had these thoughts. Perhaps some of you may not admit to your anger, or jealousy, that your emotions were not with blessings pointed toward this family.

I had to admit my thinking was colored by my personal experience with child birth, broken marriages, unsupportive husband who did not want the responsibility of being a father to our first child, plus two more marriages with no children versus how I wanted my life to be.

Had I had a husband like Billy Bob Duggar my dream of having 10 children could have been fulfilled, and I might have been a Michelle. Things bother us at times because we are looking through rose colored glasses based upon past experiences. I was able to move past my initial thoughts to expose what I was really feeling.

In case you thought like I did, these are wrong thoughts. Who are we to say what is right for another person? The Duggars deserve to be applauded, in a society where couples come together in marriage, or no marriage, birth children who become emotionally damaged, or physically abused, for finding it within their heart to give children life.

Now that just thrills my soul. They have been fruitful and multiplied, and those children are rewards from the Lord, according to Psalm 127, verse 3. So if you grew up in a large family and made a choice to have no children, one or two, perhaps reading this will help you to see beyond the 19, expecting one more, and discover the love and commitment of two people: Billy Bob and Michelle Duggar.

The life of Girls who are abandoned by their fathers (click here)

Discover the Treasures in the People You Meet

2011-11-14T14:54:00.000-08:00

One of the joys of my life is meeting people. Not only do I like to meet them I enjoy observing as well. It is amazing to me when you extend yourself to smile, chat or to serve others how it is responded to.

I was entering the store aisle and I kept hearing these four ladies discussing pies, having enough pie crust, etc. I made a joke as I was walking nearby. I said, “I’m going to get in this line where the pies are being made because this is the place to go.” They laughed and went on to tell me how they had planned their Thanksgiving dinner and were out doing the shopping. One quickly identified them as mother, daughter and granddaughter.

Three generations obviously who have been doing this for awhile: planning the meal, shopping, and cooking together in preparation for Thanksgiving. In this day and age where two parents work and extended family may live in another state, many will settle for just a phone call.

For others they will choose to be alone out of stubbornness, not wanting to reach out to family, friends and children, others have decided to isolate themselves even from neighbors, rather than taking the time to at least extend themselves to visit or share a meal.

Growing up I looked forward to moments like Thanksgiving, sitting together as a family sharing a meal, laughing, making jokes, reminiscing, re-connecting with family who lived so far away, friends and neighbors. The feelings were like wrapping up in a fuzzy blanket on a cold night to watch T.V. One could not help but leave there with confidence, feeling loved, with a spirit of boldness, unstoppable, that you could do anything.

Life becomes what you make of it. You can operate thankful, or have a pity party. It’s up to you. I like to say “make something happen at every turn of your life.”

My interesting life, from childhood to adulthood (click here)

10 Things that Make Me Gag

2011-11-10T10:54:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think I am alone in my attempt to live in the world. I don’t always react with patience, love, tolerance and compassion as my faith teaches. There are times I over react because my expectations are dashed. It is comforting to know that some situations I can remove myself and in others I may have to make adjustments.

Quite frankly, by the time I got to number 7 I was struggling to go on at the thoughts of numbers 1-6. I wonder how far you would get, or what things make you “gag.”

My dog heaving
Okra cooked to slime
Little kids picking nose

And eating

People around Buffet blowing nose
Other people vomiting
Filthy public toilets
The thought of what’s on this list
People who don’t flush public toilets
What people eat on survivor shows
Cod Liver Oil with no chaser

Are you a borderline germaphobic? My story (click here)

21-Year Old Decides Against Abortion

2011-11-08T14:55:00.001-08:00

“I want to get it over with so I can get on with my life.” These were the words of a 21 year old considering whether to have an abortion.

After an abortion do you really get on with your life? There are some that think you do. A lot depends on how you see the child growing within. Is it a real person, or just a mistake you have made and abortion is like a pencil eraser removing the error? If one submits to the knowledge offered about the life they hold inside and still make the decision to have an abortion, guilt could be a haunting voice, like the pebble that lands in the oyster shell, causing the oyster to cover it with itself to stop the irritation.

Young and about to make the biggest decision of her life, which unbeknownst to her, could impact her life now and in the future, what happened to change her mind about having an abortion? Could it be she waited too long to terminate? Maybe someone talked to her and got through? No one will ever know, except her and God.

Getting on with life after an abortion depends on you. Identify what you are feeling. Is it guilt? Is it shame? Are you depressed? Guilt comes when something conflicts with what one has been taught is wrong, or know is wrong. Shame happens as a result of something happening that did not make you feel good about yourself.

Things happen in life. Some we can control and others we cannot. You have to decide whether you are going to forgive yourself and turn away from what got you here in the first place. That is progress. Unless you like the feelings the abortion brought on. If you do, then you may want to look deeper, perhaps underneath the real culprit is a lack of self-worth. The abortion was just a symptom of what you have perceived as punishment for what you are feeling within and have nurtured over the years.

You can get on with your life after abortion, if you understand several things: You will have feelings, remorse, shame, may even feel depressed, face your “why,” do not deny these feelings, forgive yourself, ask God to forgive you and turn away from the behaviors that brought about the abortion. Remember that it is your choice: to condemn yourself forever, or to let it go.

Happy to report that baby whose mother wanted to have an abortion is now 21.

Mentally Challenged Adults Are People Too

2011-10-23T17:01:00.000-07:00

The Friendship Games have been hosted in the South Florida community for over 26 years. It is a day where agencies who work with the mentally challenge come together to compete for prizes, clothing, dancing, singing and searching for friends to win watches.

My husband and I have spent the last 15 years volunteering. We are in charge of feeding the volunteers who come to make it a fun filled day. We serve water and soda to the clients and every year we experience something different. This year they were more open to our push to get more water into them before they started drinking sodas. They would drink soda all day if we gave it to them. If you tell them they can have soda around lunch time, they will keep coming back asking if it is lunchtime yet.

This year there was a new face who walked around just staring at everyone, asking questions occasionally, or commenting. He asked one of the ladies was she married. She said “yes” and pointed to her husband. His immediate response, “Is that your son?” He didn’t mean any harm. That is how he saw the two of them. We laughed it off in love.

Mentally challenged adults usually are hidden away, their families are ashamed of them. People are more tolerant when they are young, but they do grow up. I have to admit I never really thought about the daily challenges until it happened in our family. I am thankful to have been a volunteer with Friendship Games before my personal experience.

It has been through my volunteer efforts and getting to know the people who work in this field on a day to day basis, plus interacting with those who are mentally challenged that I have come to appreciate the childlikeness, even in those adult bodies. I have learned to not be offended at their innocent remarks and reactions--and sometimes even manipulative behavior—but to take it in stride, be strong when I need to and to show love and caring in all encounters.

What you discover in many, they still dream, want to become, even though those around them think they are crazy, disregard them and don’t want to be bothered. There is one young lady I have cultivated a coaching relationship with over the years. She writes poetry, has put some of her words to music, she is always sending me tips and ideas that she has used in managing her life in spite of. And, yes, occasionally, she shares her paranoia of hearing things, and thoughts of people trying to poison her food, coming into her house, things being moved in her house, receiving packages she didn’t order.

I never laugh. I listen. Sometimes she says, “You probably think I’m crazy.” I tell her, “I don’t think you’re crazy, but there is something going on that is disturbing you.” Sometimes I make suggestions like, “Maybe you ought to get a camera, or tape recorder.”

I believe everyone has something to contribute, even though they may act different, say different things, believe different. I have learned to respect and not disregard, make fun, talk down to, but to treat them as people too.

Thought I would share a poem from her new book Let Me Be Me
(click here) And if you feel inclined buy a copy of her book, she would be thrilled.

Justin and Katrina Loss the Weight and Sacrificed the Marriage (Before and After Weight Loss Relationship Tips)

2011-10-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

It seems that many were surprised at the breakup of Justin and Katrina (not their real names). On the outside they appeared to be doing well. For at least seven years weight did not seem to be an added problem to their relationship until they undertook to begin an exercise program of walking daily. Who they were before and after weight loss began to take a different turn.

The rumors started to fly that their marriage was on the rocks, she was threatening to leave him. What could have happened between high school sweethearts, two skinny people and five children later? Where did they lose their self-esteem and began to settle for expecting nothing from each other? This before and after weight loss picture is not uncommon: one takes off the weight, self-esteem began to go up and suddenly the other is no longer tolerable.

It happens more often than you hear about, but it happens. Who can you blame for this broken marriage, the wife, the husband, the children? In some cases later down the road there is regret: “I wish I had stayed fat. Look what losing weight cost me?” The truth of the matter the weight was just a symbol of what was already deteriorating in the marriage, the symptoms of the before and after weight cause it to come crashing down.

Each person has to examine themselves and own up to their part before and after weight fallout.

They had not been communicating for years. What is sad, they had not recognized that they had loss touch with each other emotionally until the pounds started to disappear. They woke up out of the thickness of their weight and realized it was over a long time ago.

The before and after weight loss story does not have to end that way. It didn’t end that way for Regina and Michael (not their real names). As Michael put it, “When I saw her looking vibrant and the weight dropping off, I thought I better get out there and join her.” He did and they both enjoy a healthier lifestyle, plus have had a long marriage. All before and after weight loss stories do not have to end in a break up.

Justin and Katrina’s breakup was more about what they had let go of already in their relationship and what they thought they were holding on to was misery and it took removing the physical condition to reveal what had been happening already in their hearts. Losing the weight gave each the courage to act. The before and after weight loss increased their self-esteem and motivated them to act, causing them to not only lose the weight but to lose their connection as a family.

What we learn from their story is what to watch out for, identify the real culprits and instead of being deceived by the increased confidence, if it is bringing wrong thoughts, stop and think before you act on your before and after weight loss feelings. Perhaps this might be a good time to seek counseling together.

From physical exercise to eating healthy (click here)

Uncontrollable Child: Re-Train 2-4 Year Olds Now Or. .

2011-10-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

A child does not wake up one day and decide they are going to throw a tantrum, disobey their parents, spit and fight those who brought he/she into the world. Instead the lack of discipline comes when acts are left uncorrected and the child learns he/she does not need to exercise self-control; hence you have what becomes an uncontrollable child who no longer respects your authority as parent.

Example: Child cannot have another cookie so he/she throws a tantrum. The parent responds by giving the cookie each time. When it’s time to eat the child does not want to eat. This behavior is repeated by the parent and the child over and over. The parent knows the lack of eating good nutrition is not good, so an attempt is made to break the cycle. The child falls to the floor, kicking, screaming and crying, demanding those extra cookies. Congratulations! Giving in over time may create an uncontrollable child.

Once you have allowed certain behaviors to go on for months, your child will resist and attempt to wear you down. The uncontrollable child gets here because of no action taken by the parent when they crossed the line or the parent has failed to set clear boundaries, issue consequences when violated, causing the child to feel “whatever I’m doing, they are going to let me.”

Children are constantly testing the limits. You may think your child is exercising free expression, but if this uncontrollable child acts out in the grocery store, movies, parks, on an airplane, etc., in the space of others, then what are you as a parent really creating? Yes, you have rights, your child has rights, and so do others who have to be subject to your uncontrollable child.

You can stop feeling hopeless because you think you have failed your uncontrollable child. All is not lost, provided you are willing to do what it takes to get your child on the right track.

Step 1: Tell them why they cannot have the extra cookies. “We are about to have dinner. You have had the
          limit I am permitting, and no more.”

Step 2: If they continue to throw a tantrum, ignore, using step 1 as a guide, to reinforce why you are not
            allowing extra cookies.Your uncontrollable child will get the message if you persist.

Step 3: Busy yourself with something to take your mind off the crying, screaming, rudeness. Ignore. Ignore.

Step 4: Once the tantrum stops they may come quietly to make one last effort to sway you to get what they
            want, so go back to step 1.The tantrum maybe repeated at that point, but keep following the steps.
           When parenting an uncontrollable child it is important to stay alert, consistent and persistent. If you
           allow your child to get their way by throwing tantrums, crying and yelling, this will become their
           weapon on into the teenage years and sadly to say, even into their adult years.

Take the steps to help your child NOW! (click here)

Crockpot Cooking For the Busy Moms and Dads

2011-10-01T15:32:00.000-07:00

Crockpot cooking has allowed me as a mom to prepare next day meals the night before, to include veggies and starch if I chose to. Once my little ones were bathed and put in bed, I’d get my dinner for the next day ready.

As a busy mom, working fulltime I valued my time but I wanted to give my children healthy meals. Try it! You just might get hooked like I did.

How to Make the Best Chicken Crockpot Recipes
By KC Kudra

Chicken can be cooked in many different ways. You can broil it, boil it, grill it, fry it, steam it and more. This is also a great ingredient for cooking in a crockpot. It is really versatile which means you can use all sorts of different ingredients with it. Perhaps you fancy making something creamy such as an alfredo sauce or something spicy like a Mexican dish. There are slow cooker recipes for all palates.

If you are using a cooking method such as grilling or pan frying, it is easy to overcook your bird but slow cooking makes it easier because the chicken has more than a few seconds between being "cooked" and being "overcooked." If you are worried about cooking the meat too long, choose a slow cooker recipe and the results ought to be good.

Tips for Crockpot Poultry Recipes

Thighs and drumsticks can cook for up to ten hours before they start to lose flavor or juiciness but white meat cooks much faster. If you are cooking breasts, the maximum cooking time should be six or seven hours depending on the recipe.

Overcooking this ingredient makes it dry and chewy and overcooking it will ruin your recipe so pay careful attention to cooking times and remember to adjust them if you are substituting chicken breasts in a recipe calling for drumsticks or thighs. Poultry needs to be 170 degrees F in the center in order to be safely cooked.

Use an instant read thermometer to make sure the meat is done properly. You can also cut into one of the larger pieces of meat to check it is piping hot in the middle but, if you are cooking whole breasts or pieces, this will ruin the appearance of the finished dish, so the thermometer would be a better idea.

Recipe for Apricot Chicken

This is a very easy dish to make and you can serve it over hot cooked pasta, couscous, or rice. This recipe makes enough to serve six people. Use French or Russian salad dressing. Honey mustard dressing is also nice but might be too sweet for some palates. Use thyme instead of the basil if you like. Also, jam is fine instead of the preserves; just use whichever you happen to have.

What you will need:

* 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
* 1/2 cup salad dressing
* 1 cup apricot preserves
* 6 frozen skinless, boneless chicken breasts
* 1 teaspoon dried basil
* 1/8 teaspoon black pepper
* 1 package dry onion soup mix

How to make it:

Arrange the meat in a three or four quart crockpot. Combine the vinegar, dressing, preserves, basil, black pepper, and soup mix and pour this mixture over the top. Cover the slow cooker and cook the mixture on low for about seven hours or until the chicken is cooked through.

You can either serve it now or thicken it. To thicken it, mix two tablespoons of cornstarch with three tablespoons of chicken broth or water until smooth, then add this to the slow cooker and cook it on high for fifteen minutes.

Chicken features in many of the very best crockpot recipes because it is ideally suited to the slow cooking process. There are plenty of easy crockpot recipes featuring chicken which will suit any occasion, most of which are simple enough for a cooking novice to master.

The Best Crockpot Recipes Start With Our Recipes - BestCrockpotRecipes.net

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=KC_Kudra

Comment: From novice to experienced, I agree, anyone can do crockpot cooking fast and with ease. Your family’s health is in your hands.

"What Keeps Me Young At Heart?"

2011-10-01T14:43:00.000-07:00

As I learn, I grow and change. If you tell me everything, you take the fun out of the journey. We do this to our children all the time but their curious nature will always lead them to try it on their own. I am trying to become a better me, not for me, but to bring God glory.

There is something about my life, seen through his eyes, reflecting in my heart, that makes me hungry to know stuff. While I am still alive I want to experience, share or use what I know. I never want to stop learning new things. Like right now, God is new to me and I want to know more.

I have many curiosities. I want to know how people make money on the internet. I was not one of those children that took everything apart to see how it worked but I am fascinated by what I encounter on my journey. . . just like a kid, I suppose.

Perhaps this is what keeps me young at heart and youthful in looks. I like reading between headlines. I enjoy searching for the hidden meanings behind what people say, or do. For example, sales letters that give you just enough to tickle your curious nature, but never enough to disclose how to use what they have without purchasing the item, book or service grab my attention always.

Sometimes my desires to learn new things last a few years because knowledge first assimilated has to be digested, accepted and owned before you can work it. I don’t want to waste any of my time here on this wonderful earth.

More about my amazing life (click here)

Real Stories of Child Abuse – Breaking the Chains Then and Now

2011-09-16T15:03:00.000-07:00

The victims of real stories of child abuse have been silenced from childhood and even today few continue to speak out. Why? Maybe the abuser threatened them with harm to a younger brother, father, mother, or said they would hurt them. There are many reasons for keeping quiet.

Today many are breaking the silence and all over the internet the real stories of child abuse can be read. Reading through these child abuse stories one can readily see some common threads that run through many of the abuse stories: It was someone the child already had a relationship with, who enticed the child with something other than threats. It may have been candy, cookies, or money. Once the child received, those became the payments for what was to follow.

In these real stories for child abuse over time the child who has a sense that this is wrong wants to resist, does not want the treats, may even threaten to tell, thus causing the abuser to threaten to silence. The abuser has won at that stage, the child gives in, feels trapped and hopeless, as the innocence is loss and the “good” child slowly loses their soul. What is left, anger, bitterness, and pain.

Value is slowly replaced with low self-worth and the child is left to fulfill the wickedness deposited in the soul. The real stories of child abuse details the damage done, and what happens when an innocent child is violated physically and emotionally. The stories are sad and can ignite strong emotions on behalf of helpless innocent children.

What’s interesting when the child tries to tell the story, expose the abuser and they are under the age, still young, few listened. As a matter of fact, the child is punished, told to shut up. . . is silenced. The real stories of child abuse are left to be told in adulthood. The child has suffered through and now is an adult. Now people will listen. Now they can talk and are believed.

The issues involved with bringing forth your real stories of abuse as an adult still encounters problems: you may still be called a liar; you are alienated by the family of the accused; the threats are still there. The difference is, you are no longer a scared child. You are an adult and you have a right to speak the truth, to stand up, to be heard. And where you thought you were all alone you discover there are millions just like you, with their own real stories of child abuse.

Now, where do you go from here? Tell your story, or write your story. Refuse to allow the secret to haunt you ever again. Refuse to accept other people’s opinions of your decisions to keep you in your painful prison. Among fellow warriors’ real stories of child abuse, you will discover others who have overcome and are no longer captive by their past. You can benefit from what they did to overcome.

The healing of your spirit, body and mind leads to wholeness. It will not come overnight but you can begin the process: write your story and read how others overcame and in their real stories of child abuse may you also find peace.

The internet is full of forums and places to tell or write your story. Claim your freedom of speech right now! One caution: do not use real names.

Read my story of healing damaged emotions after 30 years (click here)

Why Should I Forgive You?

2011-09-01T20:31:00.001-07:00

This was a question I asked myself often. What does it mean to forgive a person? Does it mean you let them off the hook, that they will suffer no punishment? Will it make you, or them feel better? I’ve heard of people forgiving someone who has murdered a son, daughter, or someone they loved. How do they do this? Does forgiving require a special kind of person?

I don’t have all the answers. Maybe there are some folks I’m struggling to forgive. Forgiving is not easy when someone has stung your heart or left byproducts of rejection, abandonment and disappointment.

I can remember piling up unforgiveness. I kept it because I wanted to keep it as a reminder of what I suffered at another person’s hands. Mind you, that person somehow went on with their life, but I still held on to those negative thoughts. I was unaware how these thoughts, those feelings were hindering my purpose.

Holding an unforgiving thought in your mind and heart is like purchasing a bunch of bananas. If you leave them out on the counter eventually they start turning black and the inside turns to mush. Most people would throw them away at that time, but on the first sign of the bananas turning, if you peel and place in a freezer bag, those bananas can be used for another purpose, like making nutritious smoothies.

The question is: Do you want to decay into mush or to be used for a greater purpose? Yes, you look good on the outside but unforgiveness can destroy you unless you decide to do something about it.

“Why should I forgive you?” Once you allow unforgiveness into your heart, you open the door to situations which breed more unforgiveness. How do you began to let go? Make a list of those you have not been quite right with, who have scratched you the wrong way.

Write down what caused the bad feelings, the break in the relationship, or the consequences you experienced at their hands. Even if you don’t remember the details, write what you remember and ask God to help you to give it to him because it pleases him.

“Why should I forgive?” Because we are forgiven by the one whom we offended. . . creator God. He was willing to sacrifice His son for the forgiveness of our iniquities. How can we not do that for others? Forgiveness heals the soul, releases the Spirit’s greater blessings into our lives. What have you got to lose?

Resources for Healing Your Damaged Emotions (click here).

7-Powerful “Real Life Story” Points and the Mystery

2011-09-01T14:13:00.000-07:00

What is in a real life story? Is it just another story? Why does it capture even the skeptic? Think about the stories you have read from childhood to now. How did they impact your life?

Let’s take for instance the story of the boy raised in a home where his parents drank and physically fought each other. Though they worked, the majority of the money went to buy booze. The mother gets tired of the fighting and walks away, leaving the father with his three sons.

The father continues his same drinking habits, even the boys start sneaking into daddy’s booze when he’s not home. An incident happens in school to one boy and he is removed from the home to live with an aunt. He has the best of everything, yet he desires the party life of the father.

The aunt is strict. He takes to lying and cheating to get his way. She tries her best to practice her faith in front of him, to include him in spiritual events. He participates but he longs for another lifestyle.

The real life story journey from rebellion, disobedience, to homelessness, to healing took over 20 years to catch up with him. One passing him on the street would have said, “poor helpless soul,” and maybe handed him a few dollars in pity. He labored begging on the streets day after day, sleeping in parks, trees and abandoned buildings by night.

Is his life hopeless? Can he be restored? This is where we who heard this story, or read this story would wonder: can such a person be saved? The real life story lessons are many. What did he have to overcome? Dysfunctional family, abuse, alcohol, drugs and his desire to continue in these destructive patterns. His addiction led to social alienation. He doesn’t become an example to follow until he overcomes. Well, how will he overcome? There is no desire to quit doing what he is doing. He is trapped.

But all is not loss. In the hard and painful struggles which led to hopelessness, alienation, drug and alcohol addiction, there is another light that shines. . .unexplainable at the time. . . but a life vest is thrown. Suddenly, courage, strength and boldness floods his soul. He no longer sees himself as he was, but there comes a new vision of self. And that man rises healed from his afflictions, his real life story becomes a powerful tool to affect the lives of others. In this position who would dare question his personal life experience? What do we learn from this real life story?

Children imitate what they see
parents influence their children’s emotions
The habits of parents can carry over into a child’s life
A changed environment does not change what is done
Hopelessness is not the end
Never judge a book by the cover
Where all seems loss God. . . the unexplainable. . . steps in

A real life story can give us a glimpse into the cause and effects of our human condition, motivate and inspire us with the hope that restoration can happen to anyone.

The Rise Above My Father's Abandonment (click here)

911 Real Stories - (The Ones Never Heard)

2011-08-29T14:54:00.000-07:00

These are the 911 Real Stories that didn't get and probably won't get much publicity. They are mine and others who care to add to this blog. There is no doubt for me that 911 changed our lives here in America forever. We are living in a land that seem as though it is under siege since that incident. A flight on an airplane that was once simple has become complicated. Even the renewal of your driver’s license, if you are a woman who has been married a few times requires patience as you wade through the clerks who tell you one thing and when you return to a different clerk they tell you something extra that you need to do.

Life has changed in these United States of America. So in commemoration of those who were the victims, loss their lives, their loved ones, I would just like to say there are no words that can express what you went through and the ache that still must remain in your hearts.

This is what I would like to add to the collection of 911 Real Stories, my personal experience. On that day I woke up to life as usual, had breakfast and normally don’t turn on the T.V. but that day I did. The news was reporting that the Towers had been hit. I summoned my husband. My heart dropped. We watched, as millions did, people jumping out of windows, trying to save themselves. I sobered from the shock long enough to remember that I too had relatives and friends in New York, and began dialing numbers only to hear busy signals. I cried and prayed not for my relatives and friends but for the people as a whole in the midst and who had loved ones in that place, or nearby. I submit my comments to the 911 Real Stories this year because when tragedy happens it touches all of us equally.

It happened on American soil. I thought I would never see that day come to past, but it did. A great many 911 Real Stories have been penned, talked about, movies made of the people, the event, but for those of us who watched in horror on that day. . . Me! I am okay with just posting my thoughts in remembrance of that day for all to see.

Now that I have completed doing what I set out to do, a thought occurred, maybe you want to post your personal memories of that day. If so, now is your chance to add your 911 Real Stories for millions to see, folks just like you and me. . . Observers at a distance but impacted by the moment.

God Bless!

After A Job Loss: Cut Back, Eliminate or Maximize

2011-08-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

Surviving a job loss can be tough but if you know ahead of time, you can begin to streamline to make the transition a little less stressful. The biggest challenge is how to meet expenses every month on less income.

In any job loss situation these three can be your most powerful weapons: Cut back, Eliminate, and Maximize. This is what the big boys do. If your household income has been reduced to one income, or unemployment, these suggestions might help you to keep your job loss ship from sinking.

You have loss your job, don’t panic. The first step should be to assess your income, and monthly expenses. What can you cut back, eliminate, or Maximize? Is it cable, cell phones, eating out, junk food, cleaners, entertainment, allowances, extra trips to the grocery store, cutting the grass, etc.

Your job loss survival depends on what you do with factors within your control and those that are not. For example, if you are in debt, your creditors might not understand why their payments are behind, or stopped coming. So if you have debtors, don’t wait, contact them with a plan to pay a smaller amount and what you agree to, pay it on time.

While you work your way through the financial fallout from your job loss, don’t overlook applying the same cut back, eliminate or maximize strategy to conserving water, if you are paying for water. Have you thought about how much water you waste brushing your teeth and washing your face? Why not wet your toothbrush, put on the paste, brush and run water in a separate cup to rinse. Do the same for washing your face: wet cloth, turn water off, rinse. Instead of running water steadily to shower, wet your body, lather and then turn on the water to rinse.

Electricity is another area for conservation: turn off lights in rooms not in use; purchase energy saver bulbs, or use lower wattage bulbs. Unplug appliances and computers when not in use. Air dry clothes on a clothesline in the garage, or take them to a Laundromat. A job loss during economic times requires unconventional methods to survive but what choice do you have?

Another big chunk out of your budget after a job loss is groceries. Assess your eating habits. Are they excessive? Produce and farmers markets tend to be cheaper than the local supermarkets. Choose meats like chicken, which can be cooked in hundreds of ways. Look for the buy one get one free deals in your local store chains. Focus on meats you can cook and eat one way and use the leftovers to make a different meal. The idea is to plug up your waste maximize what income you do have.

This is not a time to settle for and have a pity party. Start looking at options (click here)

Children of Divorced Parents Grow Up To Become Wounded Adults

2011-08-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

Most parents are not aware of how the divorce/separation affects children emotionally, nor is it a priority or consideration in most cases. Children of divorced parents may still grow up to be emotionally wounded.

Looking back before the days of the divorce, parents were place on pedestals. Children formed opinions before their parents divorced: arguing doesn’t mean something is wrong. They are taught to make up after fights among their friends but mom and dad aren’t taking their own advice. Children never see it coming, even when it is obvious mom and dad can’t seem to sit in the same room together without angry conversations.

The child of divorced parents reflects often on the good times, wishing they would be again. This was a time of feeling good, confident and carefree, “So what happened? Everything looked okay.” Or was it really?

Questions, confusion and too often the wrong message remains with the child of divorced parents. The child is left wondering whether he/she is the cause: If they didn’t have me, this would not be happening. Did I do something wrong? Why don’t they love me anymore? Have they stopped loving me too?” The confidence and love once felt has turned into fear of what will happen next.

Most children of divorced parents accept what has happened and move on, even though they may feel wounded; others remain stuck at the age it happens and resist letting their divorced parents go on to make that new life. This condition can last into adulthood, if never addressed. The wound can sit invisible for many years manifesting itself in ways that the wounded may even be blind to.

If you are an adult survivor of divorced parents ask yourself these questions: How are you doing in the relationship department? Are you afraid to commit? Do you find yourself distrusting the one you’re involved with? Have you broken off a romantic involvement that started to get serious? Do you feel safer in multiple relationships versus one at a time? Your answers maybe be an indicator that you are still chained to your divorced parents.

Healing from divorced parents begins with admitting all the feelings you had as a child, accepting that life isn’t perfect, that people change, and relationships dissolve. Added to these steps is forgiveness. Forgive your reactions as a child (anger; bitterness) because you didn’t know any better. And forgive your parents for their imperfections, how you held them on a pedestal and they didn’t measure up; they failed too failed to forgive, to say, “I’m sorry,” and to make up.

Read one child's most powerful lessons she learned from the cruelty of others (click here)

Depression Can Happen to Anyone

2011-07-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

Lydia Caesar had a secret. She was pregnant, unmarried and a pastor’s daughter. I wonder how many others find themselves in this spot; if not the events of her life but other events. What do you do when faced with issues in life? Lydia discovered the diamond in the middle of the mudd.

http://www.storiesthatheal.samhsa.gov/index.asp?video=4

The Cookie Thief

2011-07-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

Wanted to share this powerful story with you.
Enjoy! (click here)

A Lesson in Purpose From a Papaya Seed

2011-07-20T09:15:00.000-07:00

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up (Galatians 6:9).”

A few months ago I purchased a Papaya fruit at a local farmers market. It was so good I wanted to do something with the seeds. I decided to dry the seeds in preparation for planting. I planted some but nothing showed after several weeks. I watered regularly. I watched. The rains came and watered. I watched. Grass began to sprout. I plucked it out. I watched. No sign of life. So I planted the rest, watered and watched. Just when I was about to declare that the seeds were no good I saw what appeared to be seedlings popping through the dirt.

I kept watering and finally, seven (7) plants were visible. Six (6) grew slowly, but one was outgrowing the others. Seeing that filled me with hope that soon I might taste the same delicious fruit that produced the seed.

Marveling at how this one tree was so bullish in its growth spurt, I began to think, “There is something in this picture. What is it? Is this a physical event revealing a spiritual lesson. God reminded me how my life was parallel to that tree and how it wasn’t chance that I bought that fruit which held that seed. He revealed how many seeds were probably thrown away, thought to be of no value, but this one came into my hands destined to be sown. My spiritual ears heard, “Some only wanted the fruit but were not interested in sowing, or harvesting because sowing takes work, faith and patience.”

In that moment I had a flashback paralleling my life with the Papaya seed. I remembered my life in the hands of others who discarded, disregarded, devalued, and left me to chance but for a loving Father’s plan to rescue me. No one knew I was like that Papaya tree waiting for a chance to live, to be born again, that I was stuck but determined to live.

Be sensitive to God’s spirit. Sometimes we think we are following our plan when indeed we are doing exactly what He wants. We all have a destiny in God. Look around you and behold the wonder of his creation speaking to you.

Amazing Love: I Fought Back The Tears (click here)

Inspiring Story Of A Blind Painter

2011-06-22T10:55:00.000-07:00

Here at "Real Stories Real People" I enjoy sharing other people's stories. I have encountered countless over-comers in my journey. It has always amazed me how when things happen, people can rise to the occasion. I hope that after seeing yet another deciding to live a life without limits in spite of, that you too will catch the vision.

Introducing the blind painter. . . (click here)

After Success, Then What?

2011-06-06T10:09:00.000-07:00

How is your life going? After your successes, are you still longing for something more? Do you feel “over the hill,” the kids are grown, grandchildren barely visit, but you are not ready to waste away into nothingness, but have a passion to do something meaningful?

A year ago I thought I was happy, satisfied, carefree, and looking forward to living with my husband and two dogs, with an occasional visit from the grandchildren. My life centered around my backyard garden of fruits and vegetables, a few workshops, speaking engagements, etc., working our internet business. . . until one of our grandsons’ came to live with us.

I won’t get into the details, except to say there was no other choice. My first thoughts: “No, no, no, life is going just how I want it. Sorry, I don’t want to add to my daily routine. I remembered how time consuming, sacrificial and stressful it was raising our two sons. My selfish nature rose up with a mixture of guilt and shame. Sobered by the thought of him needing us, my plans would be delayed, because opportunity was knocking, and we both came to the same conclusion, “let’s do it.”

After discussing the sacrifices, the challenges of re-parenting, my heart melted and we brought our 12-year old to live with us. That was a year ago. And, yes, there are days I lock myself in my bedroom, fall on the bed, and complain to God about not wanting to raise someone else’s child, even if it is a family member. I have my pity party. I get up, pull myself together in the right attitude, my strength returns, peace lights up my soul, and I go on.

What I thought was an opportunity to do something good for our grandson ended up enriching our lives. He has brought challenge, yet victory. On arrival his academic performance was low in some subjects, but now he is at the A and B level. Since he has come to live with us, we now know other parents with school aged children in our neighborhood, which we would never have met.

Just when we thought we should be slowing down, his coming into our lives has regenerated our thinking and goals. This time around we brought to the table experience, patience, and teamwork. Parenting together, on one accord, lessens individual frustration and has impacted our grandson’s moral behavior, school performance and outlook on life.

There is more to life than accomplishing goal after goal. But at the end of the goal, what are you feeling? Be honest with yourself. Do you truly feel that inward joy and peace, or are you looking for something else to get into, another goal to set? Maybe this would be a good time for you to look around your family, to see how you can help. Is there a child you can invest some time in, either in your personal family, among your friends, your community? If it is not a child, find something to keep your motor purring with new life and excitement.

Have you read “Counterfeit Gods: the Empty Promises of Money, Sex and Power—And the Only Hope That Matters?” (click here)

Should Cheating Students Have Consequences?

2011-05-31T14:10:00.000-07:00

Twenty-eight students were exposed for plagiarizing a teacher’s assignment. The teacher gave them a zero. The parents protested saying a zero was too harsh. The teacher was forced to give them partial credit.

I am a parent and a grandparent raising a 13-year old grandson. I have taught my children what is right and what is wrong. Times have changed but I still hold to those ideals with our grandchildren.

The excuse rendered by the parents was that the teacher was being too harsh. The consequence of their pressure caused the authorities to issue statements supporting the parents, claiming that the children’s self-esteem could suffer as a result of being exposed.

What took place right under everyone’s noses: parents undermined the authority of the teacher, rendered the teacher ineffective in the classroom, evidenced by students comments that they didn’t have to listen to her. The teacher quit because the authorities sided with the parents, were unwilling to stand for what was right. This lack of respect will ultimately flow back to the parent, and weaken their role. A child who lacks respect of one authority figure may refuse to submit to other authorities.

This could have a Domino effect: citizens’ who do not follow the laws of the land, governing how we act toward each other, soon form a lawless society where no decency will exist, where everyone will do as they please.

Personally, I think it’s time to stop validating bad behavior, immorality, and rewarding those who commit such things with special programs to boost their self-esteem at the risk of neglecting those who have chosen to do the right thing.

On the other hand, what message are you sending to those students who decided to do the right thing, that it is okay to take a shortcut because there are no consequences?

Read what a teen wrote about school (click here)

Would You Marry the Same Person Again?

2011-05-27T16:40:00.000-07:00

Why would two people who went through the expense of divorce get back together again? Either they rekindled the love they thought they had loss, or there has been such a change in each that it warrants a second chance.

Looking back over two failed marriages, before this 25 year relationship with the love of my life, I can tell you that once I finished, it was a done deal. None of those relationships were worth re-investing my time, or energy into. As a matter of fact, just thinking about how we parted company, I know I made the right decision. A, I wouldn’t want to; B, they have moved on and so did I; C, the sparks are gone.

And then I met Lillie (not her real name) who shared her excitement about re-marrying a husband she had divorced. At first I thought, “What is wrong with her?” I thought of my divorces, and there was not even a glimmer of hope for reconciliation. She was like a giddy young girl engaged for the first time. How could you not be happy for someone like that? My skepticism was transformed when she said they were in counseling because they didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes.

Lillie went on to tell me about what they are bringing back into the marriage: wisdom, maturity, willingness to compromise; oneness, a desire to stick it out rather than run away, the humbleness to let go of the behaviors that caused the first divorce.

I was glad Lillie shared her story. My thoughts, “This is a love story that a love story that rarely happens.” I got excited for Lillie. Each time we met thereafter, I heard more and more about their plans, moving out of state, etc. I am thankful I had the opportunity to hear about two people who humbled themselves to the power of love when so many have chosen to give up.

Marriage should not be entered into lightly. Those that do end up divorce and on rare occasions, some are able to learn the lessons of failure and make it till death do they part.

Fire up your relationship (click here).

“I Am A Borderline Germ-A-Phobic”

2011-05-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

I’ve kept it a secret all of my life, married and raising children. No one knows. I had not been able to admit it until now. I thought to acknowledge it would cause people to view me as weird, so I kept it under cover.

Looking back from childhood, I remember my mother taking a sip out of my glass, or soda can, taking a bite of something I was eating, and I didn’t want it any more. She would scold me but I just couldn’t make myself eat or drink behind her, nor my siblings.

Kissing was another challenge. I forced myself to do what others did that was “normal,” but I never liked people to kiss me, even as a child. My husband had no problem with kissing our slobbering babies, whereas, I would wipe their mouth first and cautiously kiss them.

I discovered fast food restaurants triggered anxiety. Servers with hair hanging down with no net turned me off. I wondered about the cleanliness of utensils, glasses, etc. Appetizers on display brought thoughts of germs from so many hands. I continue to force myself to rise above my captor. One day I went to a buffet with some friends, forgetting about my phobia, willing to join in the eating frenzy until I saw little kids reaching over into the food while their parents stood by. Anxiety set in, my interest in the food diminished but I couldn’t tell anyone, not even my husband.

I rarely eat out but even at home when my kids are dipping out jam, though I tell them to use a separate knife or spoon, somehow they end up spreading and re-dipping that utensil into the jam. It is the same with the tub of butter. I have tried to keep it under wraps but sometimes I have to comment: “Don’t contaminate the jam, or butter, guys.”

Hand Sanitizer is another issue. I see it as rubbing something on top of germs. I prefer to wash my hands always and then maybe use a hand sanitizer, both at home and in public.The idea of touching something thousands of hands touch, including door knobs, increases my level of anxiety. It would be nice if someone would invent a no touch hand soap system for public and at home. That would be one less concern I would have.

If you share my germ-a-phobic tendencies, perhaps you should do like I just did, admit it, so that you can take the first steps to mastering it.

Facing Death At Birth - Touched By An Angel

2011-05-19T14:20:00.000-07:00

My mother carried me for nine months. There was no indication that there was a problem

at the hour she went into labor. No one thought there was a problem, not even the midwife who attended to her care. I was about ready to exit her womb when the midwife noticed that my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck; the cord that my mother and I shared which provided nutrition from her to me.

My mother began pushing and with every push/contraction I was being choked but thanks to the midwife’s quick thinking, manipulating my mother’s umbilical cord from around my neck, my life was spared. You see, you too could have died in your mother’s womb, or exited her womb and died, but you didn’t, because God was not ready for you.

Your life has a purpose. It may not seem like it where you sit right now, or maybe you too have a story to tell. If it hasn’t happened hang in there. If it has happened, you have discovered your purpose, I celebrate with you.

My life was not in my mother, nor the midwife’s, hands that day. They were just vessels used by God. My life started out with the hands of God stationed at the womb of my mother, waiting to free me.

Unfortunately, that was not the only time I faced death. I have done foolish things, like get into cars with strangers; have guns pointed at my head; threatened with knives and no way out of the barred up windows; disease all around me, as I led my promiscuous life, but somehow I escaped.

The only explanation I have is that there is someone outside of my greatest understanding

who has run interference to preserve me, even when I thought I didn’t deserve, nor wanted anyone to care. Looking back over my birth, and now, I recognize that I was not traveling this journey alone, that many times angels were stationed to help me along the way.

God can affect our lives in supernatural ways. He’s not just “my Father,” He is “Our Father.” I have had much to overcome, but in spite of it all, I have discovered the greatest gift of all, that I am loved by God, that in him I am perfect through his son and therefore my life keeps getting better and better as I embrace greater truths. In this knowledge I refuse to place limits on myself.

“Thank you, God, for your hand upon me, leading, guiding and protecting, even in my refusal to acknowledge and to accept you.”

Dr. Mommy Shares Her Abuse Story

2011-05-17T18:12:00.000-07:00

This was a great find over at Twitter today. I had been following Dr. Mommy, but this was the first time I read about her secret of a sexual abuse past. She shared some of my personal goals as a parent, not repeating the same behaviors that were imposed upon us.

I sent her a note saying “thank you,” for opening her life up, perhaps you will do the same to encourage her.

Here’s the link (click here)

21- Keys to Surviving Public Humiliation

2011-05-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

“Schwarzenegger:I fathered a secret child. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. . .”

“Rep. Mark Foley, R-Fla., resigned from Congress on Friday, effective immediately, in the wake of questions about e-mails he wrote a former male page.

"I am deeply sorry and I apologize for letting down my family and the people of Florida I have had the privilege to represent," he said in a statement issued by his office.”

From Mark Foley to Arnold Schwarzenegger and to all in between, public scandal from past Presidents of the United States, to Catholic Priests, to Reverends, lawyers, bankers, stock brokers, major corporations, etc. seems to be happening.

Some might argue these public figures are only human. Others may say, who cares about that, it’s their position of trust and honor that we won’t tolerate. Nevertheless, what has happened has happened. They can’t turn back the clock. Where to start? This is as good a place as any:

13-Tips for the Humiliated:

1. Let the media run its course (4-6 weeks).

2. Select someone to respond to the Media.

(Of the opposite sex or race) if it calls for a response.

3. Accept the fact that it is public

(Everybody knows. Trust has been broken: family as well as the public).

4. Gather family to discuss

(Tell your side. Be Honest).

5. Assess your feelings. Did this bring you some relief?

6. Acknowledge your role.

7. If you are truly sorry, ask for forgiveness.

8. Examine yourself: How did you get to this point?

9. Seek Help.

10. Accept the fallout.

11. Separate who you are from the act you committed.

12. Renew your faith. (Friends and colleagues may abandon you).

13. Begin a journal to help you to cope with what has happened.

8-Tips for the Spouse and Family:

1. Anger is natural.

2. Work pass the anger and denial.

3. Expect a range of highs and lows.

4. Minimize stress by tuning out the media

(TV. radio, phone calls, newspapers, etc.).

5. Be prepared to allow the media to go through their cycle.

6. Begin a journal.

(To deal with feelings your spouse may not be able to at this time).

7. Renew your faith.

8. Seek Help.

The Abuse Secret My Ex Never Knew

2011-05-10T11:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever watched the way the tentacles move on an Octopus? They seem to go everywhere, moving, doing something for the creature they are attached to. Sexual abuse is like an Octopus, it has many tentacles that seem to move on their own. The damage from sexual abuse feels like each fractured part of you is operating on its own, leaving one feeling out of control.

He married me thinking he was getting someone who had not been touched. I can’t put into words what I felt that night. I was young. We never discussed it. What was I going to say? I just wanted my special moment with my husband to be perfect, as I had dreamed it but it was shattered by a family secret.

The man I was to marry thought he was marrying a virgin, a woman who had never been violated by a man. I thought I was that woman until it happened; our special moment came and I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. The look on his face I couldn’t describe because I too was puzzled. I didn’t know then what has since been revealed: his facial expression was saying, “I’ve been lied to. I’ve been tricked. She’s not a virgin as she pretended to be.”

The sermons in church stressed save sex for marriage. But no one could prepare me for what I faced on that day. The revelation came much later in my healing: that what I was preserving was in my mind. It didn’t exist, that my innocence had been stolen at the hands of a family member.

Had I not gotten pregnant perhaps that marriage may not have been. From 13 to now the affects are still showing up, and I continue to face the giants. My mother said I would be okay but she was wrong. When adults abuse children, it has long term affects that may not show up until adulthood.

That relationship ended in separation and divorce. I never told him what happened, that the precious gift I saved for my husband to be wed, had been taken away, and I didn’t give it freely.

A tremendous healing has taken place in my life since then. We both moved on with our lives. I birthed one son by him and they are still in touch. Lately, I have been contemplating whether I should tell him, or let him go to his grave thinking I lied. I think I owe it to him. Even my son tells me I should. Time will tell, but for now it’s still a secret he may never know.

Have you read the Ashley Johnson story yet? (click here).

Interesting Facts - Mosaic Artwork From Toothpicks??

2011-05-03T15:42:00.000-07:00

This guy is incredible! Wanted to share this with you. He is called Samir Strati and he has used nails, corks, screws and toothpicks to create Mosaic Artwork.

Here are several of his Mosaic masterpieces:

Horse Mosaic Toothpicks at http://bit.ly/iBvTD1

Cork Mosaic at http://bit.ly/j5ckxO

Nail Mosaic at http://bit.ly/mmQKgr

Got to go.

Facing Job Loss With the Right Attitude

2011-05-02T19:52:00.001-07:00

My friend is laid off. I am concerned that she doesn’t have a job and her prospects are slim. I was thinking of her one morning when my husband pointed out a squirrel and a bird facing off with each other in our backyard.

He said, “This bird has been flying in and out of the yard picking up twigs. I think its building a nest, but the squirrel, for some reason, looks like its wanting to challenge it. ”

As I walked over to the sliding glass door, I could see the bird had a twig in its beak, ready to continue on its way. For a moment they stood with eyes glued on each other, waiting to see what the other was going to do, if anything. Seconds seemed like five minutes. Finally, the squirrel ran up the tree and the bird continued flying in and out of the yard retrieving sticks.

“What boldness,” I thought. This bird had a mission that was interrupted. It could have given up, decided to go someplace else and build a nest, but it didn’t. That was the spot chosen and that is where it was going to happen. This made me think of how life situations happen unexpectedly and how we have to make choices, or choices are made for us. We could be angry, stagnate, or refuse to be defeated.

My excitement grew at what I had just witnessed. Immediately I called my friend to share, and after I got done telling the story, I said, “Gen, you may be down but not out. If you take the attitude of the little bird, I believe you can succeed no matter where you land. It’s all in your attitude and what you believe about yourself. Had the little bird showed fear, it would not have been able to overcome. The squirrel would have won, chased it from its purpose. You have to stand firm, be determined, and a way will be made for you.”

My friend started to cry, “That is so beautiful. I can see that little bird standing up against that big old squirrel. Thanks, Blon, for sharing that encouraging story.”

“You’re welcome,” I said as I hung the phone.

Maybe you have a friend or someone you know who is faced with a situation: a job loss, a lay off, or some giant in their life, don’t just say, “I’m sorry to hear.” Share something that they can hold on to while they go through, like a story.

Remember, it’s not the end of the world (click here).

Nick Vujicic - No Arms, No Legs - Using What He Has

2011-04-05T18:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a pity party with yourself? Took a look in the mirror and wanted to get plastic surgery because you didn’t like your nose, or something? Maybe you didn’t think you were tall enough, or thin enough? Perhaps you feel you don’t have what it takes to succeed: a certain look, or education, or you feel like you are little fish in a big pond.

After following Nick Vujicic I will never, ever make excuses for obstacles I face.

Nick has no arms, no legs and yet he has learned how to use what he has.

Behold! Join Nick in his world (Click Here)

Don't Say "Love You" Anymore If You Don't Mean It!

2011-03-06T15:13:00.000-08:00

“I Love You.” What does it mean? Three words said too often when we are parting company. Have we gotten so use to saying it, or hearing it that it has lost the spirit of its intention. Couples look at each other and say “I Love You.” After a phone conversation, many can be heard saying “I Love You.” Has it become a meaningless expression, or just words to say when we don’t know what else to say?

In examining the thoughts and the questions that come to mind, other questions appear: Why do we say “I Love You” in the first place? Are we reminding ourselves of the love connection, the bond? In the expression “I Love You” we are reminding those we love that in that moment they are even more special, because we took time out to say “I Love You.”

With those words “I Love You” we want to express in words what we feel in our hearts. Just like anything else we repeat over and over; yes, it can seem like the flavor has been lost. It is our special words to communicate to those special people in our lives.

So if you are the receiver, rejoice because you are special and if you are the giver, rejoice because you showered someone in words that are not always easy to show. Those words “I Love You” cannot truly express the feeling of love from one person to another but it’s all we have.

I don’t know about you, but I’ll take it. Tell someone “I Love You” today and give those words meaning that can be felt from one heart to another; make them glad to know you. Say it in a way that let’s them know you really mean it. Think before you say, “I Love You.” Trouble finding the right words to say? (click here)

Real Story Real Life: Precious Moments

2011-02-15T16:15:00.000-08:00

I got up this past Saturday thankful to be present in another day. We are raising our 12 year old grandson. As I looked across the table at him during breakfast he seemed to be really enjoying the meal his grandfather made. After we finished eating, granddad left us at the table and we just talked. Somehow we got on the subject of fathers. I confessed that my father had been an only child and very irresponsible when it came to raising a family, and how we suffered at the hands of relatives until we were re-united with our mother.

I said, “Son, you are about to become a teenager. In some cultures 13 is the beginning of manhood. What do you think makes a man a man?” His reply, “It’s responsibility, doing without being told what to do.”

I said, “That’s part of it; also, preparing yourself through getting an education to take care of yourself and maybe one day provide for the needs of a wife and children.”

We went on to discuss his upcoming birthday plans. We agreed that we would grill hot dogs and hamburgers in the backyard and that he could invite friends. He added, “My birthday falls on a week day so can we do it on a Saturday?

I said, “Fine.”

Our conversation then turned to girls. We agreed that education and career was more important right now, then pursuing relationships with girls. Two hours later, he asked if he could do his reading assignment and then go outside.

I said, “Yes.”

Twenty minutes later he came out and said, “I’m finished.”

I said, “Okay. So what did you read?”

He said, “I read up to page 21.”

My inner voice directed me to probe a little more. He couldn’t tell me enough to convince me he understood what he had read. The result he had to re-read and this time I had him to write two paragraphs. We have been working on reading comprehension. I have been varying my strategies from read out loud, to read to self, to asking the meanings of certain words, etc. to build his retention. When I didn’t ask for a few days he got lazy. I’m trying to teach him to be ready, not to just read words but think, imagine and respond.

What did my grandson teach me:

1. Raising Children has its challenges. They will try to get away with not doing what they are suppose to do, and sometimes we let them, because we are trying to train them to do what is expected without being told, or having someone stand over them.

2. Stay alert to that inner voice

3. Keep open communication. Dinner time is perfect for sharing without the T.V. on, or music, just the children and you.

4. Never give up. Take a deep breath, pray for strength and try again. Our children are worth the effort. We owe it to them to groom them for the future society.

Additional resources for parenting can be found here.

Charlie O' The Praying Parrot

2011-02-03T20:18:00.000-08:00

Do you have a parrot you want to train? Introducing Charlie O.
After seeing how adorable Charlie is, I almost went out and
bought a parrot to train, until my husband snapped me back to reality.

It was a pleasing thought.

My prayer is that your spirits be brightened, that a blessing might
touch your soul and that Charlie O would make your day.

Keep the Faith!

(CLICK HERE)For Charlie the Parrot

Real People Learning to Enjoy Being Alone

2011-01-24T15:18:00.000-08:00

Mark Joyner posted this video on Twitter. So many find themselves alone, but instead of enjoyment it becomes their misery. Being alone is not the worst experience you can have. In fact, it could be rewarding. Learn how to make your time alone your treasure. Enjoy! "How to Be Alone" (click here)

Is There Someone You Need to Forgive?

2011-01-17T19:57:00.000-08:00

A friend called me the other day to introduce me to a person (I will call Vivian) who shared her story of how she couldn’t forgive her husband after a divorce, how things got pretty ugly between them until her daughter Isis traveled to a missions outreach training in Florida and shared a technique she learned involving role playing.

Isis told her mother that she needed to let go of the feelings she still harbored after the divorce and offered to role play with her so she could let go. Isis sat in the chair designated for her father. Vivian took the empty seat in front of Isis.

Vivian said, “In that moment she was not my daughter but the man I had been so angry with for years. I was able to say what I had to say, including asking him to forgive me for my part, and how I had acted over the years.”

Vivian said that moment of role playing changed her life. When Vivian was done sharing I thanked her for allowing me to share her obvious joy, freedom and triumph over forgiveness. I couldn’t help but rejoice that another had victory because I was one of those daughters who held her father hostage. I didn’t want to let him off the hook because he was never there for me. I really wanted him to pay. I was angry, full of hate and bitterness.

And one day I was spiritually enlightened in a way that revealed there was no life in that condition, that I had a choice to make. I could choose to be bigger than my pain and ask my father to forgive me for ignoring him, not acknowledging him as my father and showing no love or compassion toward him, or I could live miserable and die miserable. Instead, I made an appointment to ask his forgiveness.

Four years after I forgave him, he died. Maybe he was waiting for me to say those words to him. I don’t know. I know this: I am glad I put pride aside; that I had spiritually evolved to do the right thing. Now I don’t have to carry that weight any longer.

Is there someone you are holding in bondage? That you maybe hadn’t thought about for years. Search yourself. Forgiveness is for you, not them. There is a saying that “You reap what you sow.” Someone may have done something to you but what you sow with what they did you too will pay for.

Life is too short. More examples on how to get over the tough times in life: There in the Midst the Mysterious Exposed is my journey to forgiveness and wholeness (click here)

School: A Teen's Prayer Request

2011-01-03T11:21:00.000-08:00

(Written by a teen in Bagdad, Arizona)

Now I sit down in school

Where praying is against the rule

For this great nation under God

Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,

It violates the Bill of Rights.

And anytime my head I bow

Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange, or green,

That’s no offense, it’s a freedom scene.

The law is specific, the law is precise.

Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall

Might offend someone with no faith at all.

In silence alone we must meditate,

God’s name is prohibited by the state.

We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks.

And pierce our noses, tongues, and cheeks.

They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible

To quote the Good Book makes me liable

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,

And the “unwed daddy,” our Senior King.

It’s “inappropriate” to teach right from wrong,

We’re taught that such “judgments” do not belong

We can get our condoms and birth controls,

Study witchcraft, vampires, and totem poles.

But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,

It’s scary here I must confess,

when chaos reigns the school’s a mess

So, Lord, this silent plea I make.

Should I be shot; my soul please take!

Amen!

Looking for more like this (click here).

Breast Cancer Update on Joni Eareckson Tada

2010-12-30T16:23:00.000-08:00

I have been following Joni for years. Her determination and spirit has resonated with my heart. Joni was paralyzed from the neck down from her youth. And has been a bold soldier for the Lord, and still is.

If you would, add Joni and husband to your prayer list. Enjoy this video update from Joni and hubby (click here).

Christmas Gifts or Christmas Meaning?

2010-12-24T14:04:00.000-08:00

I love giving gifts and receiving gifts, but this year as Christmas nears I feel guilty that I am not tiring myself out to buy gifts like I use to. Yet as I look around so many are focused on the gifts. I remember the years when we had small children, the stress leading up to this one day. When it was over I looked at the wrapping paper thrown everywhere, the toys that were already broken by the close of the day. Once the children opened their gifts it was no big deal.

The kids were happy for that one moment on Christmas day as they ripped open the presents to see what they got. . . Surprise! But I couldn’t help thinking, “All of this for one day, now what?”

This morning I got up and have not been able to shake how Christmas has no real meaning for some, and a little more for others. How the symbol for Christmas has become Santa Claus, Christmas trees and presents, even for those of my faith.

“What is missing? Why can’t I get into it like everyone else?” Inside was screaming “meaning, meaning,” the gifts are temporary. I went to my computer in search of answers. So I decided to take a trip around the world to see who else was celebrating Christmas, how they celebrated and why they celebrated.

“Meaning, meaning,” my heart cried. “Help me, God to block out the presents, the parties, the visits from family, help me to find a place, someone, somewhere who thinks like I feel right now.

And Finally, in my search, I found this video that spoke to my heart (click here).

Adult Children Holding Parents' Finances Hostage

2010-12-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was chatting with some friends and they were complaining about the challenges with their Adult Children. I listened to their complaints. And then it hit me. Why manage your income when you can cry broke to your parents who love you and don’t want to see you suffer? That’s where my friends were. Instead of their Adult Children being independent, doing for the parent, the parent was doing for them.

It brought back memories of a similar challenge we had with one of our Adult Children a number of years ago. I was the soft spot. As I listened to my friends, I could tell they too were soft spots, interfering with the husbands who wanted to nurture independence.

Had I listened to the wisdom of my husband, the tough love would have started a lot sooner. But I am his mother, and I didn’t want my “my baby” to suffer. I knew in my heart my husband was right but loving me as he did, he yielded to my wishes until it got to be a habit. At that point my husband took control and came up with the “three call for help” rule on finances. I agreed that it was troubling and that I wanted our son to get his act together. This was best for the child.

It was decided that I would pass those requests to his father. We as parents have choices, but those choices should take into consideration the ultimate goal of parenting independent children, and not co-dependent. If our Adult Children have financial problems, there is a cause of it. At the time it comes to your attention, you can give them what they want, add a little advice, with the hopes it won’t happen again. The repeat of that behavior requires the next step: refer them to a financial counselor, or inquire further into their lack of finance. Or you can ignore the problem, and continue shelling out the cash until you have nothing else to give.

How many times do they have to travel over the same pothole before they recognize that the road is bumpy and it might be better to take a different route? We love our children. We don’t want to see them going through trials in life. We would like to take their place to shield them from mistakes, but does that really help them? Do you get the feeling that when it comes to relationships our Adult Children don’t want you in their business, except for financial rescue.

I personally don’t think an Adult Child asking to borrowing, or receiving money from a parent should not get angry because the parent wants to know what is going on with their finances, but some do. If you don’t want your parents to ask, get into your business, deal with your situation. Just my opinion.

Providing banking services to your Adult Children does not make them love you any more. The real test of love is to know when to lend that hand and when to help them to tap into whom you have raised them to be.

And hopefully, you have not stolen their ability to thrive and survive.

If you are feeling like your finances are being held hostage, and parenting has become distasteful, then you need a supernatural intervention (click here).

A Teen Mom Shares the Challenges and Lessons

2010-12-15T12:21:00.000-08:00

(Rhonda Nelson's Story Edited With Permission From New Steps For Better Living Magazine)

“Mom is going to kill you,” said my sister. “I heard the talks on sex. A lot of my friends were having sex. But he was fine. All the girls wanted him. I wanted to keep him, to please him, so I did it.

I was 16, and he was long gone when I discovered I was pregnant. How could I tell my parents? I kept the secret from my parents. I carried on with my life as a teen: running track, trying out for different sports, like the drill team.

I could feel the baby moving inside, but I ignored it. I didn’t know what to do, or how to feel. I guess, looking back now, I was in denial. Because I wasn’t showing, it was easy to hide out. Finally, I told my parents. By this time I was 7 months, with no prenatal care. My mother panicked. I didn’t want to believe this had happened to me.

In my secrecy many things went through my mind. I was in church. I knew sex before marriage was wrong. I felt ashamed that I had gotten caught up, that I had failed in my faith. Sometimes I would be in church and the baby would move, and I couldn’t keep from crying; perhaps it’s because I felt like I had let my parents down, and let God down.

“God forgive me. I’m sorry.” That was all I could whisper. My heart was truly sorry.

My mother was angry that I didn’t tell her but we got through it. My first visit to the doctor brought the good news of it being a boy and the bad news that the baby would be a water head baby (inflammation on the brain).

I felt bad that I had placed my child’s development at risk because of my fear and neglect. My mother was reassuring and supportive. She didn’t beat up on me. Mom and I worked out a schedule which included me continuing to work my part time job and attending school.

Mom agreed to keep my son but I had to get up early every morning, get his bag with clothes and bottles ready for her, just like I was taking him to the baby sitter, and then I went off to school. Upon my arrival home she would be waiting at the door to hand me my son. I would make more bottles, give him a bath, wash whatever clothes needed and get myself ready to go to my part time job. Mom took care of him while I worked from 5:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

After work I would return home, wash the dirty bottles from that evening, refill them and start my homework. Mom would have already put him down to sleep. Many nights I prayed I could get through my homework before he woke up needing another feeding.

Looking back, I am glad my mom did not take over the care of my son. She made me responsible. After all, I was the one who decided I was mature enough to have sex. I didn’t think about the consequences. My son was born. I graduated. I adjusted to life as a teen mom.

I made a decision that I was not going to engage in sex without being married. That was a decision I made.

My son was two years old when I met the man who would later become my husband. We both were on the same page in our values. We became husband and wife. He adopted my son, and I have given birth to a son we share together. He is the Associate Pastor of a local church, and I coordinate a group called Young Wise (Women in the Savior’s Eyes).

My message to other teens and moms: You decide what you want to do with your body, but if you make a mistake, own up to it, tell your parents early so you don’t put your child at risk, and I pray you have a mom like mine who will support you but not take over the rearing and responsibility of your child.

I had sex for all of the wrong reasons: he was fine. I wanted to please him. But he didn’t care enough about me to protect me. As soon as he conquered me he was gone.

I hope that something I have said here, might help you to make decisions not just on the emotions running wild in a relationship but that you will feel the pain of the challenges and decide to take a different path, and I hope that is to wait for a husband.

The Holiday Challenge: Pay It Forward

2010-11-19T16:11:00.001-08:00

Have you ever done something kind for another person who is not a member of your family, or a stranger? This is the time of year for giving and reflections over the past year. I thought I would share something significant that took place last year around this time. My husband and I were standing in line at a Family Dollar Store watching a young mother counting her money hoping she had enough to purchase the toys she had placed on the counter.

The register stopped ringing, the clerk told her the amount and I saw something that moved my heart “She doesn’t have enough. Those gifts are for children. Maybe they are her children. Should I ignore her and let her put back what she couldn’t afford? But I couldn’t. I knew in my spirit that I was not to ignore this woman.

I whispered to my husband that I wanted to pay for whatever she had purchased. He nodded okay.
I told the cashier to go ahead and ring it up, that I would pay, and she did. I said, “Have a Merry Christmas. God Bless!” She didn’t know what to say, but her gratefulness was apparent.

Too many times we walk around in our own little worlds, choosing to ignore others, with an attitude, “I got mine, you get yours.” I have come to realize that we all need each other. In some cases I may have ignored the situation. When it is your time you will know and act. It will be un-unexplainable.

As we enter into this time of year let’s agree to put our negative thoughts and attitudes aside and allow ourselves to be led to opportunities to bless and be blessed through giving. Purpose to reach out to those who are even mean spirited because they are being transformed and need love too.

Practicing kindness has a transforming affect upon the doer. Your life will never be the same when you go out looking to be led to opportunities to offer kindness. Extending kindness is not just about giving money, but give of yourself through serving.

My eyes are open for opportunity. How about you? Will you join my husband and me in this year’s Pay it Forward Holiday Challenge.

So if you feel lonely and need love, don’t have family living in your state, take your mind off of you and put it on kind gestures to others; it will change your life.

We would love to hear how you paid it forward this season.

God Bless!

Real Stories: Acknowledge the "Little Miracles"

2010-11-01T12:02:00.000-07:00

We take so much for granted in our lives. Stop and take a moment to think of little miracles that are taking place in your life right now. . . You are a miracle. Thought I would share this with you:

Little' Miracles
By Joyce M Bell

It was about sixteen years ago. I remember that 'my day'....was just coming to an end. I had worked my two jobs; 8AM - 4PM and 5PM-9PM. When I finished my night job, on my way to the train station, I called my youngest daughter and asked her to meet me at the neighborhood super market.

She was there when I got there and after shopping and getting more than I planned, we left the store just before closing time. I had expected to catch a 'hack' to the apartment, which was about six blocks away with the last block being a 'long' inclined one, but there were none. Apparently, their 'day' had also come to an end and that was not good.

On several other occasions, I had been known to leave my house, walk to the same super market, do my shopping and walk back home. However, this was not one of those 'other' days and I was tired, plus my feet hurt after standing on them all day and, even with my daughter's help, I really didn't feel like toting my bags of food anywhere.

So there we were; standing outside the store, with the parking lot becoming more and more deserted by the minute. I had to do something so, I did the only thing I could do...I prayed. I lifted my eyes to heaven and I asked God to please help us. I told Him that if He deemed that we walk home with those bags of groceries, we would do it but...He would have to give me the strength because I didn't feel I had the energy to do it. I put the whole situation in His hands and thanked Him in advance for whatever He was going to do.

As soon as I finished praying I looked and there was a young man and woman walking out of the store towards a car. Up until that very moment, several people had left the store and gone to their cars but, there was something about this particular couple ...I felt a deep 'urging' to speak to them and ask for a ride. I followed that urge and when I asked, they immediately said, 'yes'. I was overjoyed and I told them I would gladly pay them, but they politely refused.

Well, you say, that's no big deal, there are nice people everywhere...and, if I had asked somebody sooner I probably would have gotten a ride sooner. Now I would be apt to agree with you, but what was revealed next shows the 'perfectness' of God. When He steps into a situation...He fixes it to a 'T'! For not only did my rescuers refuse to take payment for their good deed, but as it turned out...they lived on the same block that I did! I didn't know them and they didn't know me, but God brought us together...blessing us both at the same time! God waited until just the right couple came out and then 'touched' me to asked them for a ride. They got blessed, I got blessed and God got the glory!

A little thing you say? You're right it is, but faith is built up with the 'little' things. Such as; it looks like it's going to rain and one doesn't have an umbrella so, one says a prayer; Dear God, please let me get home before it pours down - and as soon as one reaches home, the rain pours down. Coincidence? If you think it is...then that's what it is. I personally think...God heard that prayer and held back the rain. I believe that one becomes 'aware' of God in their lives by the 'little' prayers that are answered.

Let me give you another instance; I was searching for another poet's community after Poets.com closed. I was really dissatisfied and greatly disappointed with another site (which was supposed to be the 'new' poets.com) and though their 'publishing' aspect was something to be considered ...they did not at all resemble what I had become accustomed to, in terms of bonding with other poets and writers. I was not happy and I told God about it.

Out of the blue...one day my baby girl and I were talking on the phone and she happened to mention that, while she was browsing the web, she had come across what seemed like a great gathering of poets and writers called Author's Den. I decided to investigate and found out that AD was just what I was looking for! And not only that, but they were 'connected' to Lulu Publishing...I could still get the benefits of publishing, when and if I wanted to! Now tell me 'that' wasn't God?

I could go on and on, there is not a day that goes by that I don't 'see' God at work in my life, but the bottom line is this; I believe in miracles...especially the 'little' ones.

Jn 2:23; Ps 6:9, 119:18
copyrighted by joyce m bell/10/05/2009

Comment: Joyce really got me thinking on this. So much in our lives we take for granted. Purpose this day to never take anything for granted.

Joyce Bell Books at www.authorsden.com/joycembell

Read about the miracles in Blondie's Life (click here).

Amos Cox at 74 Plus Dreaming, Goal Setting and Accomplishing Right On!

2010-10-20T15:48:00.000-07:00

Amos Cox was born in the Bahamas. While living in his native country, his younger brother was kidnapped and murdered, leaving Cox with a severe stuttering problem at 5 years old. Cox recalls his mother taking the juice of an Oyster and pouring it under his tongue daily and how it corrected his stuttering problem.

Though he was a sickly he refused to allow anything to hinder his thirst for education, not even his mother who wanted to keep him close. He found his passion, something he could master in his school subjects and this changed his perspective of himself and extended his ambition.

It wasn’t long before others recognized Cox’s ability to learn was exceptional compared to his peers. Cox’s mother continued to keep him close even into young adulthood, in spite of his being anxious to get out into the world.

His father would make the determination whether he could handle himself in the world, just he had done with Cox’s brothers before him. He would have to be put through his father’s survival test. When Cox’s time came his father directed him to build a house. It was tough but Cox stuck with it and completed the task.

The next thing he had to do: take a voyage with his uncle on his fishing boat, where he had to navigate it through rough waters on the return trip. In addition, he had to assist his father in doing the chores on the farm, from sun up to sun down.

Cox passed the test and very shortly after was off to work and to explore other parts of his beloved country when he heard that they needed workers in the fields of America, to which he signed up, walking away from what was a potentially promising job in the Islands to come to America as a migrant worker. Cox remembers the unlivable conditions of migrant work, the dangers of the fields and the employers who took advantage by attempting to pay less than what the contract said.

As stated by Cox, “Your worst conditions in life is what you decide to make of it. My choices have always been to use any situation I find myself as a stepping stone to my destination.”

In the evenings after Cox worked his migrant tasks, he turned to his correspondence studies while other men and boys his age chose to chase women, get drunk or get in fights with each other.

On one of his many visits to his family who lived in the Miami area, Cox decided to sign up for the United States Army. He says of that experience, “That was the best thing that could have happened to me. It taught me discipline, gave me a sense of accomplishment. The opportunity was endless.”

Armed with his Army background and education Cox left the service and has never looked back, setting one goal after another: certified as a surgical technician; certified in Psychology, counseling and teaching. Every goal he set has not only been accomplished, but has rubbed off on his children who have become doctors, nurses, teachers, etc.

At 74 Cox completed another dream: he authored How to Succeed Through Positive Thinking and Behavior (available at www.iuniverse.com), and is presently working on a memoir of his spiritual service; in addition, he returned to school and received, at age 79, a doctorate.

Comment: Great story! Unsung heroes who have contributed to their communities by their service and raise children who are invaluable to society.

The Legacy of Natural Remedies My Mother Gave Me

2010-10-18T19:37:00.000-07:00

Today many laugh at the natural remedies our parents used. It’s been labeled “Old Fashion.” Some of our parents even tried to pass them down to us. I get kidded by my children all the time because I prefer natural alternatives for health.

During my mother’s era whatever they put in their bodies worked along with the body’s ability to heal but things have changed. For example, take a pain pill rather than find out and cure the source of pain. I remember how my grandparents prepared balanced meals, how they used the change of seasons as a guide to optimal health.

Coming out of the winter, it would be a dose of Castor Oil to cleanse the system in preparation for the hot summer months. You would dedicate a day to this process.

Cod Liver Oil was another favorite because the fish oil was important to keeping our immune system purring during the Winter months as well. It kept down runny noses and colds.

To this day, my grandchildren who visit with runny noses, and coughs get a dose of Cod Liver Oil, or a quarter of a teaspoon of powdered cinnamon laced with honey on top. By the time they leave our house there are no more runny noses, or coughs.

If only it could last after they get back home, but their parents refuse to keep up the regimen and the runny nose and coughs return. What can I do, it’s their children. I’ve seen it work over and over again. So I say laugh on.

Here are a few of my mother’s favorite natural herbal remedies she passed down to me:

Hot flashes- Sip on a cup of Red Clover Tea

Fatigue – Mix a tablespoon of Olive Oil, 3 or 4 drops of peppermint oil and massage into the bottom of the feet.

Cramp buster – Peppermint tea

Scratchy Throat – Olive Oil and honey

Baking Soda – Excellent Deodorant

Diarrhea – Mix a tablespoon of white flour with a half teaspoon of nutmeg, add enough water to make it into a liquid to drink.

Constipation – Parsley tea

Share some of your favorite natural remedies.

Has This Ever Happened to You?

2010-09-27T15:19:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had a troubling thought prior to preparation to do something or just before a trip somewhere? It happened to me a few weeks ago. We were scheduled to travel to Indiana. Undecided whether to fly or drive, we decided after checking airline flights, rental cars, comparing the convenience of driving, that we would drive.

I enjoy long drives. It’s a great way to clear your mind and relax, especially when you are in no rush. The day came to leave. This feeling would not go away. We drove through Georgia. It was my husband’s turn to drive. He took the wheel just in time for rain and a slow up just across the South Carolina line. We were in Columbia when we heard a thump and started losing power.

I heard him say, “What’s going on here? We’re losing power. The van is running hot. Let me pull over.” By now the rain had increased. We started discussing what could possibly be wrong while we waited until it slacked up.

The rain slacked up, my husband got out to check under the hood only to discover that the problem could not be fixed even by my handy husband right away. The Road Ranger stopped and the two men came to the same conclusion, the hour was late and this wasn’t going to be quick.

It happened that we had just passed an exit where there were hotels, an Auto Parts store and everything within walking distance. We decided to have the tow truck driver to drop us at the Auto Parts Store. My husband got what he thought was the part and commenced to take off the old so he could put on the new.

It wasn’t working. He was confident since a mechanic happened to be in the store and said it was easy, “just pop the old one off and put the new one on,” according to the mechanic. It didn’t work. Everything was closing up around us, except for the
Wendy’s across the street. We were trying to figure out if we needed to get a hotel.

While my husband was over at Wendy’s restroom, a lady pulls up in a van. She said, “The Lord sent me to assist you. I came here to pick someone up but they had left already, and the Lord pointed you out, said you all needed help and to help you. What do you need? If you like, I will give you money for a hotel.”

My first thought: She doesn’t have to pay for a hotel. That’s not our problem. I didn’t want her to be disobedient, if this is what the Lord told her. I said, “We haven’t decided about a hotel yet. What we really need is a mechanic. My husband can’t get a part off that was suppose to be easy.”

By this time my husband was walking back from across the street. I could tell that he too was suspicious of this woman. Reluctant as we both were, we accepted her offer to call a mechanic she knew. By this time it was about 11:00 at night.

I heard her say, “This is a God thing,” calling him by name. “You come and help these folks and God says he is going to bless you.” The guy agreed to get up out of his bed and come.

My thoughts: “Are we about to be ripped off. We don’t know this lady, nor this mechanic. We are in a small town.”

The mechanic said it was too late to do anything that night. The lady took us to a very nice hotel, we got a good night sleep and by 10:00 a.m. the next morning we were on our way.

There are times in our lives when we face uncertainty, we wonder whether we should trust or not in a situation. Those are moments when we go on faith, believing that God holds our lives in his hand, that he is our protection. We have been conditioned by the world not to trust each other but adversity forces us to even allow a stranger to rescue us.

Have you ever had anything happen to you like that, where just at that right moment someone appeared and vanished?

I’d love to hear your story.

What Is Your Story? She Started Drinking At the Age of 8

2010-09-27T15:02:00.000-07:00

(Reprinted by permission)

“Hi! I’m a Recovering Addict and Alcoholic. Just for today my thoughts are on recovery. I’m going to talk about how it was and what it is today.

I come from a family of: Mother and Father, two girls and two boys. I am the baby girl of the family. I started out drinking at the age of 8.

At the age of 13, I was smoking Marijuana, taking Quaaludes and Black Beauties. At the age of 15, I was snorting cocaine.

At the age of 16, I got pregnant, had my first child and later I had a set of twins. My last baby at the age of 22.

I had my own place. I was doing fine. I was living with my last baby’s father –still drinking—until I left him because of the abuse.

Moved to Orlando, came back to him—we were together for eleven years. I called him my husband. I stayed with him for four months, got my job back as a C.N.A (Certified Nursing Assistant)—still continued to smoke my ‘weed’ and drink.

After that I moved to Broward where I met my cousin-- and it was on. She introduced me to Crack Cocaine. And it cost me everything. I mean, everything. I had no where to go, to live, or sleep.

I lost my kids, my hopes, my feelings. It went on and on. Unfit. I made up my mind that I didn’t want to use drugs anymore. I got saved in 1997. I got clean in 1998. I got a job. I got my kids back, a house and most of all myself.
Thanks for letting me share.”

Comment: Turning point moments are not as quick as this piece. Sharing our weakness and darkest moments takes courage. Many details unspoken but we get the picture. If your life situation is in need of a change, don’t give up!

My Wake Up Call After Sexual Abuse and Crack

2010-09-10T16:59:00.000-07:00

By Bertha Harden

I was only an innocent child when my innocence was taken from me, not once, but many times by an uncle who told me it was love. Not only did he steal my innocence but he stole my life, making me feel as if his abusing me sexually was my fault. Below is an excerpt from my book called Deliverance Is In The Praise (It Started With Thanks And Ended With A Breakthrough), sharing one of the darkest moments of my life.
“I have reached a point where I am down and out of touch with everything. Mostly, feeling sorry for myself, because of the mess that I have gotten into, which is crack cocaine, and problems that I never wanted to face. The fact is, the only rejection I have is not with others but with myself. I know deep down inside I’m killing myself, but there is something inside that keeps telling me that it’s okay. Sometimes I feel as if no one gives a damn or hears my cries; they only think of themselves.

“I look like everything is just dandy with me . . . if only they knew. There are so many things locked up inside. In this hour as I wait to be accepted into rehab, I am remembering things I have tried to forget, yet now, those memories are coming at me: I was raped at seven years old. I was a large girl but I was a child. I started having flashbacks through my dreams but I could not tell anyone or even talk about it. I believed I was dirty. I just knew that I was a bad girl because of what happened to me.

“How can I forget my first swimming lesson at Dorsey Park, in the neighborhood where I lived, how this big, fat teacher was in charge of teaching us to swim--he stuck his finger up into my private part.
I was so afraid. He told me that I was a bad girl, that I would get a beating if I told. I’ve been afraid until now. Then there was the man who pulled me into an alley and threatened to kill me if I screamed while he was raping me. He had his hand over my mouth. I ran home when he let me go. There was no one to tell. Everyone was too busy working, or doing their own thing. My stepmother and father drank like fish and fought all the time. After awhile I started to think these things were suppose to happen.

“My drug use started after my first husband started to abuse me. I used drugs to help me with the pain. Why is all of this coming back to me now? I thought. “I’m so tired. I need rest. My head is hurting so bad. I need help.”

Bertha Harden is a recovered addict whose life has been totally transformed. Today she spends her life ministering, reaching out to help others stuck in drug addiction to break free; she visits prisons, sharing her story of a changed life in areas where others are afraid to venture.

Got a story to tell? Publish it in a book at www.print2publish.com

"Get Published Free" Your Story Contest

2010-09-05T20:36:00.000-07:00

(Contest ended as of midnight September 30, 2010, but we invite you to still continue submitting your stories for our online publication. Thank you for your participation)

It's not too late to participate in the "Get Published Free" contest. So many people have such interesting stories to tell and never get the opportunity to share them with others. It’s pretty simple, no hoops to jump through, just a chance for you to get your story published free.

Stories submitted will become a part of an anthology called “A Night of Miracles,” so please make your submissions relevant to the topic.

Rules for “Get Published Free” Contest in the

U.S.

ONLY:

Story must be submitted typed, double-spaced in an email to blondie48@bellsouth.net

Should not be more than 850 words

You must be the author of the work you submit.

Your submission should be proofread

Your story will be posted here at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com, where you will direct people to visit and make comments. Stories with posted comments totaling a minimum of 50, will have their stories published free in an anthology of stories called “A Night of Miracles.”

Participants are not obligated to purchase anything. However, featured participants may purchase copies at a discount to sell, keep, or give away to friends and family.

Participants will remain the owner of the story, giving Changing Lives Publishing the right to publish. Changing Lives reserves the right to edit and reject any inappropriate entries.

Contest will run from August 1, 2010 through September 30, 2010

****
If you would like us to type your story, please send a typing fee of $10.00, along with your story. Please make sure your handwriting is clear; otherwise your story will be rejected and your $10.00 fee will be returned. Participants who mail in are still under the 50 comment rule at real stories real people.

Send your handwritten stories with the typing fee to:
Changing Lives Changing the World, Inc. P.O. Box 132, Sharpes, Florida 32959.

Notice: Contest ended midnight September 30, 2010. It is not too late for your story to still be posted online.

Life Is A Test, So Score Your Best

2010-09-03T14:35:00.000-07:00

I met this lady sometime ago. I found her approach to living out a tough situation inspiring.
Enjoy.

Life Is A Test, So Score Your Best
By Neerja Bhargava

An injury which rendered me disabled and forced me out of work during the prime of my career led me to wonder, “What is life?” I could never reap the harvest of fruits of many years of professional labor to build my career due to my accident; as a result I began to perceive life as an illusion.

As a therapist I had always given encouragement to many disabled patients to rebuild their lives, yet under my own circumstances I could not encourage myself to go on. Things were very difficult because by just pushing to get better I suffered more trauma. So life seemed to be nothing else but an illusion. However, I knew that I had to change my perspective, yet being unable to find the answers myself I began to ask around, “What is Life?”

When I asked a young taxi driver his response was “Life is an adventure.”

This was sure an exciting reply. So I asked him, “How?”

“Well,” he said, “Life is like going rafting on river rapids. Sometimes the rough currents may throw you off course, but they just give you the extra vigor to do it right the next time. The thrill of rafting makes the effort of overcoming the sharp currents easier.”

Obviously, this driver had not faced the frustration or agitation that many disabled people face, not succeeding despite making their best efforts. I needed more answers; so I asked a middle-aged immigrant the same question. His answer was “Life is a game of survival. To live well you have to make yourself tough, rugged, and face daily challenges with determination and desire.” I could easily sense this gentleman was full of vigor and vitality, which I could not find despite searching deep within me.

“There ought to be more answers,” I told myself.

Next, I turned to an elderly gentleman and asked him, “What is life to you?”

His answer was, “Life is a test of a superior force governing this universe that directs us to adapt to changed circumstances. It requires us to make the best effort we can to improve ourselves within our limitations. It encourages us to focus on every good thing we still have and share whatever we can with others—be it a smile, wiping a tear, or just lending an ear. The more we can practice this routine each and everyday the higher we score on the test, even in the most trying of times.

By focusing my thoughts on efforts to score well on this “test” that I now believe life is, I am able to find the strength to deal with my difficult situations. This strength does not come easily but it does trickle in steadily when I stay focused on doing well on the scorecard. It is encouraging to know that I can empower myself by doing something intangible but helpful to others.

This unselfish act of doing good for somebody else disconnects me from my pain, at least temporarily. It further gives me the opportunity to learn that if I untangle myself from my sorrows, scoring well on the “test of life,” though hard, is more rewarding.

Comment: Stop spending your time focusing on the bad that has come into your life, make the good outweigh the bad, you will be rewarded.

More answers to life's challenges at www.relationshipsecretsonline.com

Best Friends

2010-09-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

"No one has greater love than this, that one lays down his life for his friends" (John 15:13)

A best friend is like your favorite necklace you wear around your neck. It complements what you wear. If you are not wearing it you feel naked, exposed. There is an enjoyment and a certain feeling that comes with having that piece of jewelry around your neck. Every now and then I reach up and touch it, maybe even take it in my mouth and chew on it.

I continue to meet ladies who have had “best friends” since Kindergarten, or elementary, people who have known them, been in their lives that long, and I wish I could say the same but growing up my friendship pool was very small. I had issues even among my peers. I wanted to have friends but I was always afraid I would tell them my most inner secrets and they would betray me.

I denied myself the closeness of friends because I thought they would not want to be friends with someone who had been the victim of incest, rape and molestation. I hide away this desire, tucked away in my heart and no one ever knew.

There were ladies who wanted to be friends with me but I never pursued it. For a woman to love me even as a friend I was afraid of being taken advantage of so I chose to isolate myself, not to welcome friendship.

It has been a long journey living in fear. There have been a lot of hang-ups to overcome. I needed more truths to be able to understand the darkness I was in. I really didn’t think there was any hope. I thought I was too messed up to be salvageable.

And then one day I met a man through divine intervention who showed me the way, who revealed himself to me, who showed me who I was, that I was not what I had thought myself to be, that I had worth and value not based upon what was done to me but from the one who had created me.

My eyes came opened. I discovered love. I embraced a new thinking and a new life, which changed my path.Caught up in this spiritual encounter has empowered me with hope to live, to soar like an eagle and, yes, to now accept friends into my life.

It brings tears to my eyes just remembering and feeling so glad that there are a few people who call me friend and whom I can say are friends. I don’t feel threatened any more. I can welcome a kiss, a touch and feel without any thoughts except “my friend.”

I have come to know what a “best friend” really is: someone who sticks by you in every situation in life. They love you for you, the good, bad and the ugly. They are there for you, not in your way, but there. They don’t have to talk to you every day but when you do, it’s as if there was no break. Those are the kind of friends I have, they don’t crowd me with verbal reminders of how little I call or visit.

So if you feel like I would be the type of person you would want to be friends with, then let me welcome you into my friendship pool.

More about my life at www.heisamazing.blogspot.com .

Diabetes Reversed: Dr. Vera Stevens' Personal Story

2010-08-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

Are any of these symptoms present in your life and you’re not sure where they are coming from: fatigue, nausea, frequent urination, excessive thirst, frequent infections, sores which do not heal, blurred vision and effortless weight loss? These could be symptoms of an early onset of diabetes.

Dr. Vera Stevens was not in the medical field at the time, just a hard worker, living a lifestyle of poor eating and drinking habits that were about to end up tragic. It started with frequent urinary tract infections that required constant medical attention.

Finally, her doctor said to her, “You have been back and forth and your problem isn’t getting any better. Either you re-think what you are doing to your body or you will end up a diabetic on your way to dialysis. It is up to you.”

The light came on that day when Dr. Stevens walked out of her doctor’s office. She realized she did not want to be a diabetic heading toward possible dialysis. That was her moment of decision. The doctor’s voice rang in her ears for weeks to come.

“I didn’t like water. I drank soda, red juices, anything but water,” stated Dr. Vera.

That wakeup call came over 25 years ago. Dr. Stevens began to change her lifestyle: added more water, began an exercise program, changed the foods she ate and that diagnosis never became a full blown reality.

The spin off of this experience, Dr. Stevens decided to become a nurse, licensed Clinical Psychologist, Certified Personal Weight Trainer, Aerobics Instructor, Nutritionist and Personal Trainer so that she could effectively teach others how to transform their health.

Dr. Stevens went on to transform her passion and new life into Abundant Life, Health and Fitness Center, a 501 (C) (3) organization to reach out to others at risk of diabetes, obesity, and poor lifestyle choices. Dr. Stevens is joined by husband Kevins who shares the same vision.

Abundant Life, Health and Fitness Center hosts free workshops on health related issues nationwide; plus distribute food, clothing, toys and organize programs for women and girls who have been abused. If you would like to receive updates, and health tips send Dr. Vera an e-mail at abundantlife2000@bellsouth.net.

Got a story to tell? Make it into a book at www.print2publish.com

Trying My Best To Cope With My Grandson's Head Injury

2010-08-17T21:27:00.001-07:00

Have you ever been in a situation where you heard someone’s story, or situation and you felt helpless? You wanted to help but it was something out of your reach, something you couldn’t even began to fix.

My grandson was hit by a car at 16. Stayed in the hospital in a coma for a few months. It was touch and go.Finally, he opened his eyes. What a wonderful rejoicing moment. I still have the prayer I prayed regularly for his full recovery on my wall in my office.

But he didn’t recover fully. Our son who is a nurse, his father, tried to explain what we would be faced with until the brain repaired itself. He gained back the use of his leg, with the help of a pin but none of us were prepared for the outbursts of anger, hatred and bitterness that we are sprayed with occasionally.

You look at him and he seems okay and at times he is okay and other times he is verbally out of control. My husband seems to be one of the one’s who can talk him down when he has those moments. My patience has been tried. Sometimes I lose it, other times I’m good.

Maybe it’s because I grew up in a family where this type of behavior took place and I have chosen not to allow this into my life. But it’s here. I love my grandson but he is a handful at times. I have committed to be patient and to hang on in there with God’s help.

Just the other week we all traveled separately to my granddaughter’s graduation from the Navy. My son said it has havoc on the way up. He took my granddaughter’s boyfriend along and our grandson verbally lashed out at him on the ride up and at the hotel.

I had feelings. I refused to deny how I felt. I didn’t like his behavior, problem or not. At the graduation he was loud and had to be calmed. I had a flash back. As he was heading toward us to sit with my husband and I, I noticed how unsteady he was on his feet, trying to walk through benches, with that big old grin on his face saying, “I’m so glad I found you.”

Though I knew other people were watching and wondering, I chose not to take their looks to heart. As the day wore on, he kept talking about how much he missed his little sister who was about to graduate from the Navy. He just wanted to hug on her and hug on her. She was trying to tell him that she has on her uniform
and there are some things she can’t do and would he wait until they got to the hotel.

He agreed. At the hotel he didn’t want her to engage in conversation with her friend. He just wanted her to himself. She said, “My feet are hurting,” because they had been standing for several hours during the
ceremony.

As I watched him trying to find a way to get closer, I suggested she sit. I said, “Why don’t you massage her feet; maybe use some ice.” He agreed. It warmed my heart to see him doting on her after the angry outbursts and disrespect on the drive up.

In that moment I knew I couldn’t quit. While standing there looking at him, I realized that he may feel somewhat trapped in the age he was when the accident happened, that he’s probably just as frustrated with himself because he wasn’t feeling whole.

My heart melted from one of frustration, anger and disappointment to “I won’t quit either.” When I left it was with a determination to keep praying for him, that we would find a solution through God’s direction to help him with the emotions.

Today, my son called and said, “Mom, I spoke to a friend who is a psychiatrist. I’ve been researching Ritalin this morning. I’ve got to do all that I can to help him. This weekend convinced me that we can’t keep living like this.”

We hadn’t thought of a medicine. We were hoping for a miracle. We wanted it to happen now, but in the mean time if there is a medicine, this child needs it now.

All I can say, “God, thank you for placing the ideas in the heads of men because you knew we would need it in some situations.”

We await the outcome. . .

Life is full of challenges but there is a solution. Visit www.relationshipsecretsonline.com

Paralyzed - Olympic Dreams Cut Short

2010-07-21T21:25:00.000-07:00

An Amazing Interview - How Jill Kinmont Boothe Turned Tragedy Into Triumph
By Karen Wheeler Hall

Excitement filled my mind as I called Jill Kinmont Boothe. This was two years ago, and Jill had graciously agreed to an interview for the book I was writing. I eagerly looked forward to hearing the inspiring story of how she rose above the tragic skiing accident which left her paralyzed and went on to become a teacher and painter. I clearly remember watching the 1975 movie about her life, The Other Side of the Mountain, and soon I would be talking directly to her!

I placed a stack of cassette tapes near the tape recorder, envisioning a long interview. After all, learning to cope mentally and physically with being paralyzed must have taken years of hard work.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that Jill was not interested in reliving all the gory details of her tragic accident. Our conversation went something like this...

Karen: Learning you were paralyzed for life must have been pretty devastating for you.

Jill: Well, it was, except that I had so much support from family and friends. There were moments when I was teary and said "why did it happen to me?" but generally I held myself up because everybody else had to be held up. Everybody had to be strong for everybody else...I was pretty positive from early on. I don't remember it being a horrible, horrible ordeal...

And with that, Jill went on with her story and with the rest of her life. No whining or complaining, no regrets, uninterested in sympathy - I wasn't sure what to think at that point.

When Jill described her years as an elementary school teacher, I made a comment that I thought would lead to a candid description of the challenges involved. Once again, Jill's response surprised me.

Karen: That must have been a challenge being a teacher and dealing with little kids without having use of your hands and legs.

Jill: It was a challenge, but just like any other teacher faces! The kids were a great resource for me because they could do all the things I couldn't do. They could write on the board, they could organize the files, they always responded when I needed help. That was never really a problem.

Jill's matter-of-fact attitude about her paralysis stunned me. Our conversation lasted only about 20 minutes. When it was over, I sat there scratching my head and wondering if I had enough material to write a story.

I thought of Jill and her casual attitude about her life-altering injury many times over the next few days. I admit it - at first I was disappointed because she didn't go into detail about her feelings and all the difficulties involved with being paralyzed. I thought those details were necessary to make a compelling story that would engage the reader.

But before long the real meaning of her story hit me like a ton of bricks. Jill's brevity and laid-back attitude were the real story. Here was a woman who had been paralyzed for over 50 years - her Olympic dreams cut short, unable to do many basic life functions for herself - and yet she had no interest whatsoever in dwelling on those things.

If Jill had done what I expected and gone into great detail about how horrible it was to be paralyzed, I'm quite sure I would have missed the incredible message her life brings us. Jill's legacy to us is simple, but powerful:

* Don't dwell on unfair and painful things that happen to you in life
* Always focus on what you can do rather than on "what might have been."

Keep these principles in mind and you'll find there is no limit to what you can accomplish in life, despite any challenges you may encounter in the school of hard knocks.

© Karen Wheeler Hall - All Rights Reserved

Karen Wheeler Hall is the author of The Mental Diet Pyramid® - A Simplified System to Beat Stress and Live in Joy and Illumination - Inspiring Stories about Finding the Silver Lining, both available from http://www.FindMoreJoy.com Download your copy of Karen's FREE eBook Positively Incredible! by visiting http://www.FindMoreJoy.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karen_Wheeler_Hall

Comments: Know anyone who spends their time on the negatives of life? Hope not. Life can be what you make it. The limits are those you place on yourself. A child born with no arms and no legs has a great attitude because he doesn’t miss what he doesn’t have. Don’t be like the many who lose a leg, arm, eye, or the full use of their body who sit around and covet what they no longer have.

Discover more on victorious living at www.relationshipsecretsonline.com

Mental Illness Is Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

2010-07-21T21:19:00.000-07:00

Mental Health and Addictions - Real Stories, Real People
By Linda Rosenberg

Substance abuse is a serious mental health disorder and needs to be treated as a mental illness and not disregarded as a lack of self-control or other "lifestyle choice." Many victims of substance abuse and addiction disorders experience other, co-occurring mental illnesses -- such as depression and bipolar
disorder -- that result from traumatic experiences early in their lives. "Julie's" story emphasizes this condition. Although her name has been changed to protect her identity, Julie's story can still inspire hope for millions of people battling with addictions disorders.

Julie was born into a middle class family. She lived in a nice house with her parents and brother.
But what the world did not see was that her parents drank -- sometimes a lot. Julie was a sad and isolated child; her mother was frequently at the local pub or out partying. When she was eight, her father began sexually abusing her. At 12, she was raped and became pregnant. She pleaded with Social Services to be placed in foster care along with her baby, but her parental rights were terminated by a court.

During her teen years, Julie began drinking and abusing other substances after the loss of her child. She also began hearing voices. Eventually she married and had two sons. Unfortunately, she continued drinking and using drugs -- now with her husband. She tried to stop, but she could not. She began to make "deals with God," burning herself over the gas stove or cutting herself in exchange for God protecting her sons or providing food for them.

Then one day, her husband picked up the boys from school and vanished. Julie traveled everywhere she could think to find them, eventually ending up in New York where she prostituted herself to survive and to feed her growing drug habit.

Found on a street and hospitalized, Julie was returned to a community mental health center and hospital in Massachusetts for treatment. This was several years ago. Today, Julie continues to work on her recovery.

She still hears voices, but is now receiving the care and treatment that she needs. Additionally, she has not burned or cut herself in several years. Julie now holds a part time job, volunteers at a local community mental health center and has recently been in contact with her children.

Linda Rosenberg is the president and CEO of the National Council for Community Behavioral Health care. TNC is the unifying voice of America's community-based mental health organizations and behavioral health organizations, lobbying for funding to research treatment for mental illnesses, including substance abuse and addiction. Lean more at http://www.thenationalcouncil.org.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Linda_Rosenberg

Comments: You could show love to a drug abuser, a mentally ill person, or you can shun them. Perhaps Julie’s story gives us a different perspective. Forgive us for ever judging you, Julie, without having walked in your shoes.

For more on why people act the way they do visit www.relationshipsecretsonline.com

"I Am Healed"

2010-07-17T07:29:00.000-07:00

There is a song ringing in my mind: “This joy that I have this world didn’t give it to me and the world can’t take it away.”

“God, I thank you for your love. It has changed my life dramatically. It is my prayer that others will be able to say what I feel, “I Am Healed.”

Life today is so much different than life before my healing. I must say it is brighter. I feel valuable, significant and on purpose. Why do I feel this way? Because God lives in my heart. He is my hope. I have been chosen to bear this cross (rape, molestation, incest), so that I could witness to others healing to others in the struggle to wholeness.

My video letter to my granddad has received over 13,000 views on Youtube. So many have identified with that little girl. Many have called me brave but I am on a mission to bring light to others, to let those who have been molested, raped and the victim of incest know that there is hope for wholeness. I would love to appear on the Oprah show but if I never do, I must do what I can with where I am and what I have.

I have so many interest these days. Still struggling with being objective when I hear of children being mistreated, not to mention molested. I still have spurts of anger. The difference in now and the past, I didn’t know how or where to channel my anger.

Today, I know how to allow God to take it from my heart because it would consume my being, eat me alive. In time, those feeling will have no more sting. I have learned that I can’t stop these things from happening to children, but God can keep them, as he has kept me.

Life sometimes deals us a cruel hand and we have to decide whether we are going to spend the rest of our lives wishing, hoping, being angry, or are we going to allow God to heal and make us whole. I chose to believe what he said I was, “Fearfully and wonderfully made”. . . no junk.

I like who I am today. I am the new improved model of God’s handiwork. You too can rise above wherever you find yourself. It may not be where I’ve come from.

You’ve got your own race to run. Are you tired of living life the same old way? Join me in using the lessons you have learned in your despair to teach others, to enlighten others.

Keep the Faith

Check out www.relationshipsecretsonline.com

20-Year Cancer Survivor ( A Wife Shares Personal Diary)

2010-06-18T06:02:00.000-07:00

“A Cancer diagnosis happens to other people but not to me,” words that may have been thought and perhaps not verbalized by one who is newly diagnosed. Those were not my words but faced with my husband’s diagnosis I wrestled with the thoughts of “This can’t be true. Cancer kills. All of the research and facts point to the END.

“We were 5 years into our marriage. This was not fair. We are both young. Death. What will I do without him. We have two sons. They have children. Am I going to have to raise them alone. He’s been my friend, confidant, lover and husband. I will miss him. How are we going to get through this? Money is limited. We don’t have insurance. This is not a good time. We never had a child together.

“I don’t know how much more I can take of these hospital visits. Things going along pretty good and he’s back in the hospital. The uncertainty is killing me. I dare not think I wish it was over. My mind has gone through many cycles. I want to be positive but sometimes I’m not. I have to be careful what I think and say. This is a critical time in my life.

“Words have power so I have to be careful what I say. I want him to live. I must see him in life, living and not dead. I’m learning to take each day on its own. If it is good, it’s good; if it is not, I pray for faith to hold it together.

“Today is a better day. Smiles are in the air. My heart sings. It doesn’t look good but I am not allowing my circumstances to dampen my spirits. It’s a decision I have made today. The children are fine. Our thirteen year old is with his grandmother. She thought it best to take him while his father recuperates. He could have stayed. I didn’t birth him but what belongs to my husband belongs to me.

“My selfish needs surface this day. I want my life back to normal. I am tired of a refrigerator filled with medicines and nurses and aides in and out of my house. Some people are telling me to give up, to be realistic, not too many people survive cancer, especially men. But I can’t. . . I don’t think he would give up on me. I can’t give up on his possible recovery, healing.

“We passed the five year mark. Things are looking better. Life has a light at the end of the tunnel, finally. I believe he is going to make it. We have lived on the edge for so long I don’t know how to relax any more. I’m trying to look up, not to worry, to allow my spirit to be depressed.

“I am tired but hopeful. I pray a lot more than ever. They are not formal prayers, I just talk to God more often. Though it’s not that often.”

More stories and resources at www.catheesdanceoflife.com

Diabetes Becomes More Than Your Problem

2010-03-15T08:18:00.000-07:00

If you ignore the symptoms of diabetes, it will progress from Diabetes 1 to Diabetes 2.

We had been praying for our friend to be healed of sugar diabetes. It seemed his health was going down, down, down.

He is a diabetic. His eating habits had gotten him in the shape he was in. I remember getting down right angry at how he was treating his body.

I saw his wife, my friend concerned about him. She too was getting angry because he had seemingly given up at times. Diabetes affected not just him but his family, particularly, his wife and children.

Why do we get frustrated with those we love who will not take care of themselves? Because we love them, we want them healthy. Perhaps we should have intervened in their diet, their eating habits,tried to help them more, but we didn’t. Maybe they would not have been receptive because isn’t that part of our selfish nature?

“This is my body. I’ll do with it what I please.”

Have you ever heard those words before? I have so many times.

The truth is, it is their body but when that body doesn’t function any longer the way it is suppose to now that body, because I love you, husband, wife, child, friend, becomes my burden, my time spent in prayer; your diabetes becomes a family problem.

What does that tell us? We are not living on an island by ourselves. What we do affect other people’s lives. The sad part, this attitude even carries over into the illness and breeds a deeper stubbornness, but this time it is not that person’s situation alone, now everyone has to help them to carry on with a quality of life.

It’s not fair, but if you love that person, you do whatever you can.

And that is what my friend is doing, trying to make the best of what hand she has been dealt. Giving love and care, even though some things could have been avoided, but humble, and kind any way.

I admire these qualities in people. I’ve had to work on giving it out when faced with a similar situation.

The word came that his leg had gangrene, and needed to taken off. My friend asked me to pray. I had prayed and prayed. I watched the lack of change, saw him, surrender to hopelessness when so many with less issues than him were leading a productive life right on.

I wondered what his problem was. But my friend asked me to prayer. How could I turn down my friend.

She still had faith. My heart melted from anger into agreement.

“Yes, friend, I will pray with you. I will pray God’s will be done.” That probably wasn’t good enough for my friend, but for a year and a half, I prayed he would take charge of his health and he did nothing.

I really didn’t feel sorry for him. How do you feel sorry for someone who causes their own outcome.

The word came that the doctor was reluctant to operate because he seemed to be out of it. I thought, “Wait a minute! What about people who come into the hospital unconscious after an accident and need limb amputation? Something didn’t make sense.”

They didn’t operate. The leg had been written off as dead.

When I visited him at the hospital I could tell how emotional he was about the possibility of the lost. I really didn’t know what to say, except, let him have his emotional moment.

Three days later, the nurse came in and out of curiosity, placed the stethoscope on the leg and low and behold there was a pulse, loud and clear.

When I think how close he was to losing his leg, it brings tears to my eyes. The leg is showing signs of healing.

So what did I learn from all of this? Some things are not up to us. We should stay in faith regardless of what we see in the natural.

I am convinced God took control of the situation. God had a point he wanted to make. I was busy judging his treatment of his body but God had the last say.

Can God regenerate a diabetic sore, cause dead flesh to come alive? He made a believer out of me.

Your life changing experience can be someone else’s guide book to freedom at changinglivesbookpublishers.com

Veteran Finds Writing Poetry Great Medicine

2010-02-05T21:28:00.000-08:00

Blondie L. Clayton interviews Linda Turner, veteran, survivor of 31 operations and several near death experiences, about her talent as a poet

BC: How old were you when you began writing poetry?

LT: I started writing when I was about 9 or 10 years old
but I began to put it on paper when I was about 25 years old.

BC: If a person wanted to write poetry-- any pointers?

LT: If they can imagine being someone else or some place else other than the now.

BC: There are many types of poetry; what do you classify yourself as?

LT: I am a Christian poet. God is a God that will never change.
I always put God first.

BC: In what way do you share your poetry today?

LT: I read my poetry to different people and they are in awe,
and began to feel what I feel.

BC: How does writing help you?

LT: If I’m sad or happy I can write a poem and feel better.

BC: What message do you try to capture in your poetry?

LT: My poems capture things a reader may have gone through
or about to go through: pain, joy, and sorrow.

BC: How do you choose your subjects to write about?

LT: It is a God given talent. Whatever I think about, or might do;
that’s what I write about.

BC: Who are your favorite poets?

LT: Maya Angelou is my favorite poet. I don’t want to write like her
but she too is a great inspiration.

BC: How does it feel to be published?

LT: It feels wonderful. I dream of having books in all the book stores,
online and becoming a millionaire.

BC: What are your plans related to your book?

LT: My plans are to do good and good shall return.
Also, keep on writing and giving God the glory.

BC: Why the Title: God Gives Second Chances (A Red Rose for the Future)?

LT: I’ve had 31 operations. I’ve died four times,
and God gave me adopted parents who are my red rose for the future.
For He is a God of Second Chances.

BC: Could you teach others how to write poetry?

LT: Yes, especially if they’re willing to let their minds run wild for awhile,
and go with the flow.

BC: How is writing poetry therapeutic?

LT: Writing poetry allows me to escape into my own world,
where there is nobody but me, my God and I.
Whatever I have experienced, heard, seen and perceived,
begins to form thoughts, I write in poetry. It is a refreshing,
comforting and uplifting moment.

BC: What message do you want to leave with readers?

LT: I want them to be WANTING MORE! And asking when will the next book be published.

BC: Did you find at different stages of your journey through life
your writing of poetry changed?

LT: Yes, I did. Each situation became different in my life. Each place I went to was
different, but God never left me alone. I felt his presence all the time.

BC: I understand you write poems for other people.

LT: Yes, I do, but I also tell them I have a book they should read that will speak
to their heart and take them where they want to go.

BC: Linda, we wish you the best from Changing Lives Book Publishing.
We also have a gift for you. A copy of my new book,
Book Signing Success for Self Published
Authors. We will forward a copy to you.

LT: Thank you for having me.

See what other poets have done at www.print2publish.com

Comment: Apologies for original post saying Ex-Veteran. Should have read what it is now.
Thanks, anonymous for keeping me on my toes. God Bless!

"As A Coach Blondie L. Clayton Is The Best For First Time Authors" States Sue Hodkinson, Author of May I Have This Dance?

2009-06-23T18:19:00.000-07:00

In my heart, I knew I was going to write a book. I knew there was a lot that needed to be said in that book. How I was to proceed, was uncertain. I said I would begin at the beginning and so I took it upon myself to search out a friend who was in the printing business, mainly business cards, stationary.

Upon inquiry, he knew of his friend who was a publisher and that is how I came to meet Blondie L. Clayton of Changing Lives Publishing. I remember sitting on the side of my bed with transcript in hand. It was hard for me to make that connection. I knew my work was good; however, I was so unsure of myself as an author.

It took me months to achieve what I had written. The context of the book stood on its own., but I was the one who needed that helping hand! I went to their website and researched as much as I could. I wanted a publisher who was close in the vicinity. As a Christian author, I prayed and felt I would make the call.

So, I sent one chapter through e-mail to Changing Lives Publishing excited that I had made that first move. The following day, she returned my e-mail asking for more. She was a very positive, upbeat person and I was so happy to hear back from her. I sent remaining chapters and she gave me rave reviews!

I was overjoyed at her response and my good fortune. This good fortune did not stop there. Blondie was always available and seemed to grasp certain elements in my character that needed to be dealt with as a professional and author. She was wonderful.

I began to reach out to her for assistance and she reached back. Professionally, her time was not her own, she was one busy woman doing what she does best!

She is a coach. One to whom you can really look up to for leadership. She began teaching and training me. Preparing me for what was ahead! I began to imitate her strength. It was important for me to listen and to watch her as a professional trainer. Her heart is with all that she is to those to whom she endeavors to create success!

As a coach, she began teaching me how to speak in public. Showing me just how to stand, how to move during my speeches, how to smile and make eye contact with the audience.

I bought a tape recorder and began practicing in my home and at work. I began reading aloud excerpts from my book and vocalizing each chapter to bring it into a certain perspective when reaching out to touch my audience.

She used a web-cam to help me gain my confidence and uplift my self-esteem in front of the camera. She was so warm and caring and helpful to show me that I was all that I could be and more! The professional task at hand was to not only believe it in my head, but also in my heart!

We began making public appearances and speaking engagements and I began to perform for others. I used the techniques she provided and noticed I was maturing, developing just as she promised!

There were times Blondie seemed to be strict with me. It was her way of bringing me out of my comfort zone preparing me for what was just ahead! Success! A brighter tomorrow with faith to believe that all things are possible to those who really will step out in hard work and work it… work it…. and work it some more.

As a person, publisher, life coach, Blondie L. Clayton, stands out among the crowd! She is skilled to read past the words on the page to see the artist’s heart and first impression.

This is so necessary in published works today! She has an eye for language art and how to impart its works.

She knows discipline, the rules, what is necessary when mistakes are being made. Blondie would motivate my participation to encourage me to step out and start doing things on my own! Blondie always talked to me. Her words gave me that extra boost that weighed me in. I was able to listen and she in turn listened to me! We were a TEAM !

I say that with all heart felt emotion! She led me by example and what an example she gave me! I had no problem following her guidance. She did not allow me to lose face when insecurities in my character were shown. She simply did what she does best, work it …work it… and work it some more!

It is my opinion as a professional writer, speaker, and upcoming author, that Blondie L. Clayton sets the pace, conquers the dividing wall and in the end will ultimately pull it all together!
Because that’s what Blondie does best,and that’s the way its done!

Sue L. Hodkinson:Writer, Speaker, Author: “May I Have This Dance?” “Blooming In The Desert Life Development Series” “His Labor of Love, Behold I Stand At The Door”
www.comebelovedcome.com

Free marketing audio at coachblondie.print2publish.com

What Does Your World Look Like?

2009-05-27T11:48:00.000-07:00

Today I looked around my world and there was so much wonder to behold. I beheld seeds that I planted in little cups from a Sapodilla fruit a friend gave me and there were little green shoots popping out of the dirt.

WOW!

I planted them with high expectations but understanding that it was a risk I would take. I placed two seeds in the soil per cup and so far only one in three cups has come up. Imagine that: same soil, same conditions (both kept incubated in a plastic see through bag, yet only one was ready to fulfill its purpose.

When it is your time, it is your time and nothing can hold you back or stop you from purpose.
Even if you are fortunate enough to have everything going for you, if its not your time, then if you don’t wither, falter and drop out, keep plugging away at it, you will make something happen.

It’s not the other seeds time yet; it may need to incubate a little longer. That’s okay. If the conditions remain the same, something will happen.

I have no way of knowing if it will happen but I keep the conditions constant, give it a chance, I feel confident there will be a harvest.

How long will I wait is up to me. That is my choice. What I have learned about growing from seed, that every seed is different. There are some seeds that incubate and grow quickly and others don’t.

It’s just like our lives. We don’t know what our day will bring-- even though we make plans-- do we? There is always the possibility that your plans will be interrupted by something unforeseen.

As I stand here staring, one out of the three is standing up, looking bullish, while the other two appear to be weak; one is even bent over.

Unlike my Sapodilla seedlings, our weaknesses can be built upon; we can conquer our shortcomings; we can empower ourselves but my little Sapodilla seedlings will need to make it right where they are and if they don’t, they will die before they have a chance to live.

You don’t have to die. . . LIVE!

Why is Blondie Clayton so HAPPY? More at www.heisamazing.blogspot.com or get your FREE! Tell your story guide at www.print2publish.com

Once a Lesbian Always a Lesbian - Preacher's Secret Life

2008-08-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

(Frank and Blondie Clayton Interview Kamia White on Blog Talk Radio)

Host: At what point in your life did you decide this was the way to go?
KW: I’d realized an attraction to women around age 16; however I did act upon until about age 23.

Host: How did you get into your first relationship?
KW: A Church friendship.

Host: What was your role?
KW: A. Dominant first relationship, others Fem.

Host: A relationship with a Lesbian and a relationship with a man; what is the different?
KW: There is an emotional attachment.

Host: Why did you choose to have a relationship with a woman rather than a man?
KW: I was attracted to men and was engaged to a man. It wasn't until later that I experienced a relationship with a female.

Host: What do you think happened in your life that caused you to go this way?
KW: Homosexuality is a Spirit. The enemy creates situations to seduce us in order to get us to conform to his will for our lives. I was attacked because of the “call of God" on my life.

Host: How did your family react to your coming out?
KW: My Parents were hurt, but they never cease to love and pray for my deliverance.

Host: Were you in church?
KW: Yes, I had given my life to God and was a licensed preacher.

Host: Tell us about some of the challenges you had in this lifestyle?
KW: I had the challenges of conviction and embarrassment.

Host: Did you have any guilt concerning your decision?
KW: Yes, because I really did love the Lord, but my flesh was out of control.

Host: How long were you in this lifestyle?
KW: It was four (4) years outside of church; I was “processed out” over the next three (3) years while active in the church.

Host: Is it easier for two women to hide this type of relationship than two men?
KW: No

Host: What made the light come on?
KW: It was when everything crashed in my life.

Host: At the time the light came on, what were your challenges to making the change, or decision to give it up?
KW: I felt that I loved the person; therefore, my pride hindered me from surrendering properly.

Host: How were you received in the church arena?
KW: Not well.

Host: There are some people who say they are born this way; what do you say?
KW: God does not tempt us with sin, but we are open because of the sin of Adam.

Host: What did you learn from your journey that can help others struggling?
KW: You must decide to serve God with all your heart, and not be deceived by the enemy's devices.

Host: Did you get married? Do you have children?
KW: No, but I desire to have both. My past experience has not hindered my present status.

Host: What are some do's and don’ts of those trying to come out, or have made the first steps?
KW: One should accept Christ, and remove themselves from anything within reason, that’s associated with the lifestyle.

Host: If a parent has a child they are concerned maybe in this lifestyle or leaning in that
Direction, what would you say to them?
KW: I would advise them to love the child; and Resist the plan of the enemy through prayer and the Word of God.

Host: At what point in a relationship should a woman tell her future husband?
KW: A woman should tell her future husband at the very beginning of their relationship.

Host: What would you say to someone who is involved in this lifestyle?
KW: I would tell them that God loves them and he has a plan for them. I would also share my personal testimony.

Host: How would this present a problem in intimacy with a husband?
KW: A woman not delivered from damaging relationships will have problems being intimate on a consistent basis.

Host: What is life like for you now?
KW: I’m happy doing the will of God. Although I still suffer with trust issues coming from others in church, I’ve learn to keep going because those were decisions I made, although I'm forgiven. I'm also ridiculed due to the fact that I’m not afraid to minister; giving hope to other homosexuals.

Host: You have a radio show, both locally and on the net. Give us that information.
KW: Radio broadcast at 93.9 fm on the local radio dial; broadcasted online: www.wjfp.com.

Host: Tells us about the book you are writing.
KW: This book is being written to encourage people in the church not to settle for the gifts and talents but, move to a place of wholeness.

Host: Any final closing remarks?
KW: There is hope, and healing for all people. We must accept what’s been done on the cross and allow God to raise us up from our graves.

If you would like to hear more, click into the live interview at www.blogtalkradio.com/changinglives.

Interview of Sue Hodkinson, Author of "May I Have This Dance?"

2008-03-06T11:52:00.000-08:00

By Blondie L. Clayton, Realization Strategist, Author and Publishing Coach

BC: Briefly, tell us about your Christian walk:
What drew you to the Lord? And how long you have been serving him; in what capacity, if any?

Sue: As a young girl I was always curious about God. I attended church and began to realize the simplicity of the gospel of Jesus.I was satisfied with
having salvation. In the year 2000, I heard and felt clearly,the voice and
touch of God pulling on my heart.

There were certain requirements that needed to be met in my life and God was
interested in meeting those issues concerning me. He wanted to bring me into
his arms of fellowship.There was a longing in my heart to become close to God.
I desired and needed answers. I began at that moment to reach out
to God for that understanding.

BC: How long have you been writing and how did it start?

Sue: I guess I officially began writing in that same year.
I heard the call to “Come Up Hither.” It was such a clear call, so I decided to
document the experience as the knowledge was being entrusted into my care.

BC: Why did you write this book?

Sue: Clearly, a relationship with God has nothing formed on the outside of man. This is a work taking place on the INSIDE where the heart of the matter is clearly expressed.

“May I Have This Dance” is an instrument, when sincerely approached with
purity of heart, will engage you to connect with God in a way you have never
before believed possible.

BC: Your title: “May I Have This Dance?”
How does this title speak to your message?

Sue: “May I Have This Dance” is most unique because it is the only one of its kind. The message is very clear and precise. Will you allow God to lead and direct your life? The title of this book graciously asks the child to allow him entrance to lead and guide in a world fast losing all hope
in despondency and ruin.

BC: What is this book about?

Sue: “May I Have This Dance?” is about saying “yes” to God. It’s about abandoning yourself to him. God wants to lead his child toward a depth of intimacy and relationship that would seem unapproachable. This depth of intimacy is inspired by God.

The heart is prepared by God to receive this act of diplomacy. The “way” is clearly marked by the Hand of God alone. He is calling His Beloved back to their first love. He wants us to pursue His face.

BC: What role does scriptures from the Song of Solomon play in this writing?

Sue: The Song of Solomon is a book distinctly fragranced with “affection.” God used this book to embrace my heart to experience the passion of His love for me. His song of divine grace enabled me to experience intimacy with him by his very own invitation and commitment. There could be no other book to honor intimacy as well as the Song of Solomon.

How great is this reward!

BC: Your book is not about the Song of Solomon?

Sue: I used “quotes” from this book at the beginning of each chapter to enhance the progression of each experience. God comes to bring us to that higher place, to embrace this passion upon our heart. We worship Him in a more intimate setting. Solomon wrote this book representing the holy affections existing between God and His chosen people It is love worshipped at its finest hour.

BC: In your book you talk about divine intimacy. What is that?

Sue: Divine intimacy is a spiritual marriage that courts the sharing in God’s invisible qualities, his eternal power and divine nature. We are truly made to be married to Him. This union is permanent and portrays an everlasting expression of love and understanding with God that remains an inward progression bringing divine satisfaction.

BC: You mean there is another level beyond salvation experience that we are missing out on? Tell us about that.

Sue: Yes, there is a deep and lasting union with God. A relationship that creates a divine awareness and a closeness that only takes place when we abandon ourselves to Him. It is an intimacy that depends upon the condition of each heart. We can only progress forward with Him as we allow our hearts to be stimulated and awakened to by the Spirit of God.

BC: How did you discover Divine Intimacy as a part of your Christian walk?

Sue: I discovered divine intimacy IS the Christian walk. Without relationship, without closeness, without passion for God, you have NO walk. God must become your all, sharing daily in your activities and decisions.

Embrace Him. He is the reward.

And when you truly find Him, the heart will KNOW it. This is everlasting union and knowledge of HIM will create an atmosphere within your soul that none can compare!

BC: Share three scriptures in the Bible that informs us of God’s desire to be intimate with us.

Sue: Let us refer to creation in Genesis 3:8 and the purpose of creation. God created man for His own pleasure. Man brought God happiness and enjoyment. God came to Adam in the cool o the day for intimate close relationship with Him.

Secondly, Exodus 33:12 brings Moses into play and his relationship with God. Moses influenced was influenced by God to come to Him. Moses heard and came, thus building a relationship with God. otice this relationship had to be established.

Moses wanted to experience God on a higher level and asked God to SEE His presence. God spoke to Moses and told Him He would cause His goodness to pass in front of Moses, but that Moses could not see God’s face, for to do so one would surely die!

God placed Moses near a rock to stand. He instructed Moses that when His glory passed by, he would put Moses in the cleft of the rock and cover him with His hand. There was intimate relationship. God allowed Moses to be the weaker vessel, yet God honored Moses in his request.

Moses heart cry was: “If I have found favor in your eyes, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you! And lastly, there is Enoch. Enoch walked with God 300 years. Enoch pleased God. Enoch was a recipient of God’s love and God was filled with joy over Enoch and commended him. As a result,Enoch did not experience death. God just took Enoch away where he could not be found.

BC: What stands in the way of getting in this place of intimacy?

Sue: There are always mixed emotions when you are not sure of what you should expect when reaching out to the unknown things apart from your own natural behavior. We hesitate to abandon ourselves to participate in the realm of the unknown.

Fear creates apprehension and alarm. We become uneasy and nervous, leaving ourselves always at a distance with God. Unbelief will also stifle our dance creating doubt and reservation.

BC: How will your book help a person seeking to get into that place of intimacy with God?

Sue: The book inspires a chapter by chapter progression as the Spirit of God knocks upon the door of each child’s heart. It is a spiritual road map which plays a significant part in revealing the movement by which the dance unfolds.

Wisdom calls a special gathering and season of time. An impression of his unconditional love begins to influence us, as we embrace God’s rhythm, creating within our spirit, understanding.

The end results, escorts the child into the banquet hall, establishing his growth, a new level of knowledge, applied with fellowship so divine and deeply orchestrated, that the friendship is transformed into a divine union so completely absolute.

BC: When the reader is finished reading your book, what message do you want them to walk away with?

Sue: Spending time with God is our privilege. We honor God when we come to him with our love, our needs and our purpose. Having a relationship with Him is NOT difficult, if we will remember to make that choice and then follow through with a sincere heart.

He is our reward! We can sit in His lap, kiss His cheek and change His slippers, all in one act of faith. It really does depend on us! I choose to BELIEVE all things are possible through Him.

I hope you will to!

BC: What is required of us to get into that place of intimacy with God?

Sue: By faith, we come to God desiring change. We come to Him with expectation of a journey into the unknown. First and foremost we must make that commitment to trust Him. Trusting is having confidence in His abilities to work everything out according to His will for us.

Secondly, we must make that time and space to be with Him. It doesn’t matter, come what may, we strive to honor our place with Him. And lastly, I believe we must focus on the outcome of accomplishment.

It is progressive. Learn to keep your head up and your eyes focused on the dance! He will begin to direct your steps along the way!

BC: What happens there in that place; what can one expect?

Sue: As you sit before Him, you will begin to reach out with your heart. Father will be there to draw you close. His gaze will be upon you! Not to fear!

You are familiar. You will learn to discover how to worship Him. There is a knowing an agreement between you and a conclusion to establish. There is a contract,an aim and an objective for accomplishing your goals.

He is nourishment, care and attention. He will bring emotions and your ability to experience their sensations. All favorable combinations for the advancement of your soul.

BC: How do we pursue this intimacy with God? Where does it start?

Sue: Once again we respond to his request. “May I Have This Dance?” indeed! We step out in our faith to BELIEVE. He will in turn answer our heart and we will dance to the tune being played by His orchestra of notes and melodies.

Our heart will naturally begin to move to the beat of His command! After all, He is holding us close. He is leading , directing, moving and performing just for us. As we listen, we will hear His voice!

There is more yet to come!

More about Sue and by Sue at www.comebelovedcome.com

Finding Joy and Fulfillment After Sexual Abuse - Peggy Carter Interviews Author Blondie L. Clayton

2008-02-29T11:00:00.000-08:00

Peggy Ann Carter is a Motivational Speaker, Author, Illuminator Life Coach, and Host of Issues From the Heart, at www.GalaxieIntertv.com, and a regular guest on several radio shows

Peggy: There is a myth that all children who have been sexually abused are “damaged goods” and that the damage is for life.

In fact,experts say that with guidance and support a child who has experienced sexual abuse can certainly recover and go on to live a happy and successful life with loving relationships.

Blondie L. Clayton is an example that sexual abuse does not have to hold you captive for the rest of your life, that there is joy and fulfillment after sexual abuse.

Clayton is aRealization Strategist™ and author of four books, a freelance writer, publishing coach, host of the Author’s Spotlight at www.positivechangeradio.com and www.webtv45.com.

Life changed for Blondie L. Clayton when she wrote her life story and published her first book There In The Midst the Mysterious Exposed (formerly The Touch of the Master’s Hand A Journey Into Stolen Innocence).

Welcome. . . Blondie Clayton
Your life has changed. What was life like for Blondie Clayton before this change?

Blondie: Dark, lonely, fearful, angry, hateful, unforgiving.The secret of my past haunted me. My caregivers didn’t want to talk about what happened.I was left to feel insignificant, disregarded.I lived a secret, sexually immoral life that made me ashamed of who I was.

Peggy: How did you get to this point in your life?

Blondie: Before I was 12 years old I was the victim of incest, raped by one of my teachers and molested by my mother’s boyfriend. I kept quiet. It was locked up on the inside. I was confused in many ways.

I remember making a decision laying with my grandfather to survive. He started molesting me before my parents separated. After they split, they left my younger siblings and I in that grandfather and grandmother’s care.

I was an emotional time bomb waiting to explode but there was this voice that kept me from yielding to the anger, hatred and revengeful mind that wanted to kill.

Peggy: What started you on the journey to writing?

Blondie: At 14 I realized my thoughts were a problem, I didn’t think good things about myself or people.I was attempting to hold too much in my mind which was affecting my mind.I thought I was losing my mind.

But for this voice that I would hear from time to time which seemed to be guiding my life. It knew me and spoke with such authority I couldn’t ignore its existence.It was “the voice” that guided me into writing my thoughts, feelings and challenges on paper.

I started doing this in my youth.As I look back now, it was like placing it on an altar before God.

Peggy: How has writing aided you in improving the quality of your life?

Blondie: I have struggled with not letting things go.I would clutter my mind with self-defeating talk and destructive talk, fears, etc.

God gave me this tool as a method earlier on in my life to clear my mind.It continues to be a very powerful tool for me to this day.

Peggy: Your writing and your relationships with God, what is the connection?

Blondie: Having been the victim of incest, abuse, rape,I did not trust adults. I shut up. I would not express myself in any situation, except through writing. I learned to pen my prayer request and my troubles;it gave me a peace,and raised my confidence.

God used this format to talk to me, to show me sometimes the error of my ways and how to move beyond my fears and challenges.

Peggy: What is your life like today?

Blondie: I had been in denial about what had happened. I was confused as to what was sexual abuse. Surely, my grandfather and other relatives couldn’t be labeled as such. That was too shameful to think about so I refused.

One day I was watching Oprah Winfrey and she had someone on her show that had experienced the same thing as I. My eyes came open. Right after then, I began to seek this God I had heard so much about and it was that encounter that changed the course of my life forever.

Every thing I ever believed about myself was corrected; the bitterness was no longer a part of my life; my heart had changed; the anger was gone; the hatred was a thing of the past. All in an instant.

Peggy: You mean you were able to forgive those who had purposed to destroy you?

Blondie: Yes, I was. And I became free.

Peggy: Were you religious? Did you believe in God? Were you going to Church?

Blondie: I wish I could say I was religious, or that I went to church, or that my belief in God was intact. I can’t. This event convinced me that there is more to my life than what I can see with my physical eye.

God convinced me of who He is and made me a believer. I can’t take credit for it.But after such a miraculous encounter I wanted to know more. That started my journey.

Peggy: What would you say to someone who was right where you were?

Blondie: If you have tried everything else and you have gotten no relief—maybe you are searching in all the wrong places for what is right there in your hands already. It’s not about whether you believe, or have faith because God’s love and what he can do is not based upon us fixing ourselves or deciding when and how we are going to receive that love.

He sent his son to do it even in the state we are. I turned to Him as a last result, didn’t think he would hear me, or care but He did. He was waiting on me to stop trying to handle what I didn’t create. I ran away from God and from any religious zealots that crossed my path. Denied his existence.

Got involved with other religions until that day, my hour of redemption. I believe a day comes for all of us when we recognize that our life’s experiences can be used for the salvation of others.

Peggy: Who should write? And Why?

Blondie: If you are stuck in your life, maybe your story needs to be told. I was stuck in every area of my life. No matter what ideas came to me I would implement some, ignore the rest.It seemed like a struggle I couldn’t win.I kept asking myself: Why can’t I get beyond whatever this is?

After I wrote my story, nothing has been the same. When I faced certain truths before God,He changed my life through those truths.Did I want to tell the story? No!And none of my family members wanted that story to be told but it wasn’t about what I wanted, or they wanted,God had His purpose and the story was to be told.

What I didn’t know was that God wanted to liberate other family members.I had a choice. I could have been disobedient but I knew in my heart of hearts God had a bigger plan beyond my pain and sorrows.I yielded to his plan and, boy, am I glad I did.I saw miracle after miracle of deliverance and restoration in my personal family.

Just think, some of those people would have died with their secret sins had I not been willing to be the sacrifice, take their persecution and let God do his thing.God may want you to write your story. It may not be to publish it in a book, as I did,It may be for your deliverance, your restoration, your peace and His purpose.

Peggy: If someone wanted to write their story, what would you recommend?

Blondie: Get yourself a note book, or a loose leaf binder and fill it with lined paper.Start writing. If it is your life story, go back to your childhood, write what you remember.

Don’t worry if you only remember fragments, that is okay.You can fill that in later. Get it down on paper.If you need more help, you can sign up for my free weekly audio Café at www.telecafepublishing.com, where we answer questions on writing, publishing and marketing.

Peggy: How can the viewers get in touch with you?

Blondie: Send an Email to me at blondie48@bellsouth.net

Breast Cancer: It Gets Tough But The Sun Will Shine Again

2008-02-09T15:37:00.000-08:00

(The Cathee Connor Story)

The Challenges . . .

Life, however, was not always one of smooth sailing. Cathee has had quite an uphill battle with many different challenges. In 1971, two months into her freshman year in college, during Homecoming, she found her good friend, and former high school classmate, murdered in their dormitory.

Cathee had to be treated for shock and then make a decision whether to stay at Howard or to return home. She later dedicated and performed a dance in memory of her friend.

In 1972 Cathee got hit with the news of her mother’s diagnosis with breast cancer. The pressure was too great: at one point Cathee tried to permanently end her mental and emotional pain with pills (but God said “no”—not yet. I have work for you to do).

Three months before graduation, in 1975, Cathee had another close call with death from accidental carbon monoxide poisoning. Her heart and breathing had stopped and she had to be resuscitated.

Putting all that behind her, she went on to graduate summa cum laude (highest honors) with her class of 1975. Right after graduation, she was accepted into a graduate fellowship program in the Department of Exercise Physiology at the University of Maryland at College Park.

Her first major career opportunity came in 1977 when she was hired by Xerox Corporation, in Leesburg, Virginia, as a fitness specialist. Within two and a half years, she was promoted to Health Management Program Administrator.

Cathee took her first cruise in 1981 aboard the Carnival Cruise Lines, which turned out to be a real “love boat” experience when she met her future husband, Dannie Connor.

However, in 1983, just when she was about to embark upon this new phase of her life—two months before the wedding—her life was shattered when she was informed of her father’s sudden death from a heart attack.

With the help of her family, friends, and her strong faith, she was able to move on and marry her “special sailor”.

By 1984 Cathee had moved from Virginia to Florida to build a life with her new husband and to begin a job as Assistant Administrator in health promotion at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami.

Faced with yet another crisis—the cancer that her mother had fought for 12 years finally took her life. Again, with God on her side, and the support of her husband, family and friends, she was able to move forward.

Pregnant with their first child in 1987, her joy and excitement turned into deep pain and sorrow in February 1988 when baby boy Dannie, Jr. was stillborn. Cathee asked herself, “Why me? Haven’t I endured enough?”

After months of grief counseling, the pain she had been suppressing for so long finally erupted. Cathee collapsed in the middle of the street, screaming and crying to the point of just emptiness.

At that point Cathee realized she needed help, and later joined a support group for persons who have lost children and began her slow road back to recovery.

The Big One. . .

It was in 1989, one year after her son’s death, when a routine examination to confirm whether she could work on getting pregnant again, revealed a malignant lump in her left breast.

Reeling through a roller coaster of emotions, Cathee finally came to acceptance and decided to have her breast removed by a mastectomy. The day after her surgery, as she laid in bed reflecting on her life, wondering how she was going to put the pieces back together;her husband Dannie came in—and with great difficulty-- broke the news that her sister Ronnie had been in a near fatal car accident in New York.

This pushed Cathee over the edge: numbness set in; there seemed to be nothing left inside to fight anymore. It was in that moment that Cathee lost the will to live.
After endless tears and overwhelmed by the traumatic events of her life, Cathee realized she needed to turn it over to a higher power.

As she cried out for help, her hero came along—God—and He gave her the strength to carry on.

The Come Back . . .

Cathee under went six months of chemotherapy treatment. One month after her last treatment, she returned to doing what she loved best—dance. At the same time she became a consultant with Mary Kay Cosmetics, which became a major influence in her changed life.

An opportunity in which Cathee advanced to Director and held that spot for three years. In 1990 her involvement positioned her to perform at a Mary Kay reception in Miami, Florida.

That same year (May 1990), a year after her surgery, the big break came when Cathee performed in La Nuestro 90 at the James L. Knight Center for Univision, an international television production company.

In 1991 Cathee became a volunteer for the American Cancer Society’s Reach to Recovery Program, a one-on-one personalized support group for women with breast cancer. During that same year a second lump was found in her right breast and she had to undergo another biopsy. This time it was benign.

More Challenges . . .

Hurricane Andrew tore through South Florida in 1992, and left devastation beyond human comprehension. Cathee and her husband spent the night praying while the storm ripped apart homes on either side of them and left their home with “minor” damage.

In 1993 she and her two sisters found lumps in each of their breasts at the same time. Bunnie and Cathee’s turned out to be benign. However, her sister Ronnie’s turned out to be malignant.

For Ronnie, after having survived a traumatic auto accident six years prior, where she endured three months in a wheelchair and intensive physical therapy, this was a major new challenge to face.

Through Cathee’s challenges, she has experienced a tremendous spiritual growth and her strong faith would be necessary to carry her through the upcoming years.

The Rebirth. . . Read More at Her Web Site: www.catheesdanceoflife.com

(The Cathee Connor Story- an excerpt from her book: Psalms In The Dance of Life, prepared by Sandi Morais)

What Women Want to Tell Men. . . But Can't

2007-08-29T20:47:00.000-07:00

“I didn’t know about all these things happened to my wife until I read her book.” My third husband did not find out about all of my past until I wrote my first book. The first husband never knew. Oh, how I wish I could tell him that on the day of our intimacy, my virginity had already been taken by a grandfather. As I page through the pages of my first book I am reminded of all the signs of something wrong in my life, that only I knew.

Much confused me about my upbringing, such as being fussed over by my grandparents. I was not the only child but I was the oldest. How my grandmother thought everything I did was cute, even though it was destructive. Like the time she bought me a pair of shoes she thought I would like and I sat there in front of her and my mother, took a knife and cut the soles off. My grandmother laughed and my mother never reprimanded me.

Some people thought I was going to grow up spoiled at the hands of that set of grandparents, especially, my grandmother. And then my parents separated and we went to live with my father’s parents. I saw my grandmother discipline my younger brother and sisters but she let me get away with stuff.

At times I wanted to lord over my siblings but somehow in my heart I knew that was wrong, just like I knew there was something wrong with my grandmother’s gifts and lack of reprimand.

What was she covering up? It is not unusual for grandparents to be overly generous with their grandchildren.
I grew up confused, trying to understand the adults and their relationship to me. And then she died, had a heart attack. . . and my world changed forever.

I was a mother before I even knew what you did to become a mother. I became a house keeper. I gave up girly stuff and my emotions became that of an adult. So pardon me if I don’t want to be anybody’s mama.
Or if I become a mama too soon in life. If I seem mature for my age, it isn’t by choice. If at times I act like a child, please forgive me, I’m having flashbacks, trying to get back there. But slowly realizing it won't come back. Innocence gone. Because two people who were supposed to instruct and guide us decided they didn’t love each other any more. . . Just didn’t know how it would impact this little girl.

Can I trust you, honey? Or will you abandon me like my daddy? Is marriage for me? It seems like people are selfish and self-centered. My parents were. If I had a choice I would have wanted them to remain together, give up their lives, commit it to raising us, but it never happens like that, does it?

The first two husbands never knew the turmoil I felt every day of my life. They probably didn’t care. I have been such a good actress. How would they know? They were cheated. You can’t give what you don’t have.
How would they know why I went into a foul place at times, moody? Sometimes jealous. Other times trying to push them away, afraid they would leave.

Stay tuned for more. . .

Drug Craving Gone In An Instant

2007-08-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

Meeting people at every stage in life is satisfying, particularly those who have fallen to sickness or drugs and made a tremendous come back. Recently I had the opportunity to interview Gregory Hammonds who had been a drug addict for over 20 years.

I wanted to understand the drug culture because I have someone in my family who is heading in that direction. Gregory walked me through a day in the life of a drug addict: getting up early, early in the morning, trying to beat the other homeless guys to the soda cans to buy your first drink or hit of the day, working at picking up cans, or trying to hustle something from sun up to sun down.

Gregory had my ear for a few hours, talking about sleeping on the street, always prepared to make your home wherever you are, using what is available. He told me about sleeping under houses, covering up with newspaper to keep warm, under tables to shield himself from the rain, not to mention the spiders, roaches, rats, snakes and O’possums that he shared space with, and the cold winter nights.

As I looked into his face,and at his body there were no signs of having lived such a destructive life. His drugging started in high school with pot and ended with smoking crack cocaine in adulthood. That was the drug that took his hope, robbed his dignity, stole his will.

The journey for Gregory into drugs began with his father and mother who were both alcoholics. They worked and drank. Drinking passed down to Gregory but he pick up a habit of using drugs which as he puts it, “took everything from me,” from his oldest brother.

No matter how loud Gregory cried, no one heard him twenty years later his brother, the very one who had gotten him hooked on drugs came and said, “Come Now My Brother, God sent me to get you.”

Gregory remembers that day to be like no other day. According to him, time stood still. It was extremely quiet. He heard a voice say, “Run, hide. He’s coming to get you,” but Gregory couldn’t move. When he saw his brother coming his way, Gregory says he looked like an angel. All he could do was listen, like he had never before paid attention. Something was different, drawing Gregory closer. His brother had a peace about him. Gregory found it hard to resist the words coming out of his brother’s mouth.

That day, that hour, Gregory Hammonds, after 20 years of boozing, drugging and homelessness, was delivered instantaneously from drugs, alcohol, anger, self-destruction.
That was 16 years ago. Gregory’s life will never be the same.

There is a point in everyone’s life where we realize we can’t help ourselves, that we are not in control of the outcome. It could be at a moment when we lose everything, material, or physical health, maybe even a job.
Listening to Gregory sharing his story gave me hope for so many others who are stuck, who have lost everything, even their dignity.

Today Gregory is married, has a five year old son, been gainfully employed at a local college for over 15 years. He spends his life going into the highways and byways to reach others with his message.

Send a word of encouragement to Gregory at hammondsi@bellsouth.net or read more at www.authorsden.com/gregoryhammonds. You can also check out other great stories at www.positivechangeradio.com

To Step Mothers- His Children Need Love Too!

2007-08-02T16:08:00.000-07:00

All grown up she is. She doesn't like to get up in the morning. Get's that honest, I suppose, from her grandma. My husband and our home based business is my daily incentive to rise. This is her last year in high school. Surprise she hasn't done more academically. It' in her but her parents don't see the need to push her. They let her make her decisions. She has it in her.

Had a chance to talk and share. Concerned about her relationship with her step mother. Said she tries to spend time with her but. . . There is a two year old in their house now that she has come to adore. The feelings are mutual.

Told her to do the right things toward her step mother, maybe one day God will touch her heart. "You can't make adults love you. It's their choice. But you can decide how you react to what they do. That's on you. Perhaps your step mother does not know how to give you love, even though she married your father and you all have been in her life for over 12 years."

She said, "I try, grandma, but it doesn't seem to be working."

Kind of concerned about that. Think her being able to discuss it helped to give her a different perspective. I sensed that she felt better.

I gave her a couple of assignments so she would have something to do while she visited. I noticed how meticulous she is. Creative too.

Every child deserves to feel love from both father and mother. It is sad when a woman marries a man with children he is raising and decides or don't want to bond with his children, yet gives birth to his child and expects what?

Got to see a side of her that shows in spite of it all, she's going to get through it. I thank God that we have spent many moments like this. But for that she could be another run-a-way, on drugs, operating her life based on rejection and feeling unloved.

She's 17. And she wanted to come and spend time with her grand parents. Our house is a place of refuge, a place where she can take a walk in the long backyard, enjoy a home cooked meal three times a day, a few movies that we pick up at the library, share an ice cream cone together.

I was sad to see those days end but what I saw in her eased my mind, now I know if I'm not here tomorrow, she will make it through the storms knowing that she is loved by her father, her grand parents, great grand parents and others who have taken the time to get to know her.

When she got back home she called and said, "Grandma, I miss you."

I said, "Granddaughter, I miss you too. I didn't want to see you go but I knew you had to."

She said, "I'm going to come again. Okay?"

Tears came to my eyes. . . That is so special, she a teenager, wants to come chill with grandmother and grand pa," I thought.

I said, "What did you learn?"

She said, "I need to get up earlier and every day have a goal to get something done.I need to be patient and kinder to my step mother, regardless of how she treats me because that is what Jesus would do, look beyond who we are. I've got to do the same."

I said, "Good for you. I'm proud of you."

When I think of her. We have the relationships I always dreamed of having with my mother and grandmother but it never happened but God has given me the privilege of tasting it now.

Thank you, God.

In All of Your Charity, Don't Forget About Family

2007-03-05T21:28:00.000-08:00

Today I was thinking about how enriched my life is, the many people that I have had the opportunity to be a part of their lives. Recently, my eldest grandson came to live with us. That has been a generational challenge. He resisted the first few weeks. think he is settling in a bit more now. He will be going to college in my city. Says he wants to be a veterinarian. He is the one who was hit by a car and was in a coma for a few months. It has been a privilege for my husband and I to take on the responsibility of assisting with speech and physical rehabilitation.

There is still room for grand parents to play an active role in their children's children's lives. Sometimes I listen to how he talks to his friends and they have a language all their own. We think that things are different today than when we were their age, but I don't think so. They have their fads, we had ours. They communicate in their own special way, so did we. They have their hair styles, so did we. They have their clothes and so did we.

It's funny they think we are old fashion without realizing they are just living out another cycle to life within their time. But is anything ever new. I think that it's just a recycling of the same old same old. . .

Every day I count my blessings as we see his progress. He gets discouraged sometimes but we are working on replacing discouragement with laughter and words that uplift. In those moments when he wants to feel sorry for himself, we discuss his feelings and then I say, "Okay. Are you done. Now lets try sucking it up, there's work to be done. Later he comes and says thanks for helping him to kick the blues to the curb.

Until Next Time. . . Nothing is impossible.

Painful As It Maybe. . .

2006-11-21T13:33:00.000-08:00

I remember the many special women in my life that earned the right for me to call them "mom." They too had a lot of other daughters and sons calling them "mom." What type of woman earns the right to be called "mom?" Why do the sons and daughters who are not related to her feel that kind of kinship? I wonder if they started out to attract so many sons and daughters. Most of them who call these women "mom" have their own mothers. Is it because they see some quality in that woman, missing from their mothers?
Why have I felt the need to do that from time to time? Call someone other than my mother, "mom?"

I grew up longing to have that close bond with my mother, whatever that is. My mother left me when I was about seven and it wasn't until I was almost 13 when we were reunited. Did I lose something somewhere in her absence? I do not know what it is to feel like I have heard so many share about their relationships with their mothers. In some ways I feel as if maybe I might have missed out on something.

What I have had to come to grips with, is it is gone and is never coming back. Can I be all right with that? At times I am and at other times I feel angry. I have asked a lot of "why" questions but nothing stays the same, does it?

I grew up as a child who wanted so much to be set in her ways, to be unchangeable, to keep everything the same but early on in my young existence, that security eluded me. I wonder have I adapted, made the adjustment, or am I telling myself I am because I can't do anything about it.

Though I have called some women "mom." it was never the same. Sometimes I don't think I can handle all of the emotions attached to such closeness, such bonding from parent to child. Maybe that is my problem, I am afraid to bond through emotional ties, for fear of loss or dissappointment, that my eyes will be open and I will no longer like that person any more.

Yet I have denied myself those types of relationships. Sometimes I feel trapped in this world of loneliness and fear. It is my way of keeping that part of me safe and secure. I wonder will I ever be able to trust, care, come what may. I don't know.

Just when I think I have progressed a little more in my desire to submit myself to you Lord, you allow another place that I have hidden away, tried to protect, to be exposed. To think I started out just to write about "moms," and the people who aren't related who call them that.

Father, you have your way of making me look in the mirror of my soul to discover yet another truth, painful as it may be. I welcome the pain because there is nothing about me that I want to keep you from making whole.

Strengthen me, Oh, God, Restore love, compassion, and trust to the one who desires to serve you. For I still struggle to give you all of me. I need to give it to you first before I can give it to anyone else, even my own children that I have birthed from my loins to you.

Thank you, father, for reminding me, taking me back through and awakening those emotions through my newest granddaughter. Thank you! Thank you! For I was such a mess when the others were born.I had so many internal struggles.

My heart is lifted up in this hour in thanksgiving.

Thank you for peace.

Death Took My Cousin And I Will Never See Her Again!

2006-10-30T19:24:00.000-08:00

Length of life is not promised to us. The Bible does mention that because of the deteriorating morals of men, that they would no longer live to be over 900 years old but in fact until they are 120 years old.
It's funny, we exercise a lot of control over many things in our lives. It is important that we do that. But I have often wondered, as I am sure many, why can't we conquer death. A few have mastered illness, but I have known many who fought the good fight, yet they still lost in the end.

I lost my cousin this week. It was sudden. Her husband left home for work, came home and found her dead in the bed. She never got up. I can't imagine what that must feel like. It is beyond my comprehension.

I would have loved for her to stay, to be present at another family gathering but her time was up. None of us know when our time is up. I think about that some times in the planning of my day. Try not to leave too many tasks unfinished, because it will affect someone, that I didn't hold up my end of that task for the day.

When you are dead that is no longer a concern of yours. It might be to the person or persons you left without completing your task. After awhile the person who picked up your task, just picks up the ball and goes on.

I miss people who I have lost to death. I wanted them to live. I have even asked myself at times: Why do good people die and bad people live? I will never get use to death. No matter how much you may think you are prepared it leaves an ache in your heart.

Death is not understood. I once was afraid of dying. I've gotten better. I know that one day I too will close my eyes and never again will I see the wonders that greet me every day that I lived. I will be able to accept it. For my family it will be hard, but soon those hurts will heal and fade away.

May God bless and keep you until the end, whatever that is to you.

Your Childhood Perceptions Maybe Hindering Your Success

2006-10-03T15:45:00.000-07:00

(An Excerpt From There In The Midst: The Mysterious Exposed, my book)

CHAPTER I

IDENTIFY CHILDHOOD PERCEPTIONS HINDERING YOUR SUCCESS

The Voice: “Now you can write the book.”

“I don’t know how,” said Ashley.

The Voice: “I’ll help you.”

My name is Ashley Johnson. I am the oldest daughter of four children born to Richard and Elizabeth Johnson.I was born in a small town in the Carolinas. It is a farm and fishing town. Townspeople would travel 20-30 miles to work as maids, clerks, or some other professions. Businesses range from a barber shop, beauty salon, several grocery stores, restaurants and real estate offices, to name a few.

I grew up in a small community where there was an atmosphere of trust among neighbors, friends and family. Superstitions and tall tales had its place among the gossip and rumors, which often surfaced about people casting spells on other people. Everyone knew each other and the children.

I remember being fussed over by my father’s mother, Maggie. Richard was her only child. It’s no wonder when I was born she thought the sun rose and set on me. She thought I could do no wrong. In her attempts to discipline me she found my negative habits cute. I had been labeled spoil.

I was not prepared for my parents’ separation. I heard people talk but things looked okay from a child’s perspective. I remember times when my mother and father argued—how he never took her seriously, Daddy smiled all the time, even when they argued. Nothing seemed to bother him.

Daddy and I had been close at one time; at least, so I believed. He made me feel that I was more special than mother. I wasn’t close with my mother. Because mother allowed Grandma Maggie to favor me over the other children, I was confused as to who this lady I called “mom” really was. I have no negative memories of my father. He wasn’t violent or abusive. He drank a lot and liked to party. I thought we were a happy family. Nothing for a kid to worry about.

The breakup did come and we kids went to live with my dad’s parents, Maggie and Grandpa Johnson. Maggie picked meat out of crab shells and packed it into cans at this factory. Grandpa Johnson didn’t work. He had a stroke, which affected his left side long before I was born. They lived in a small house back in the woods on a lake with lots of fig, pecan, peach, and apple trees. There were good times there. Grandpa Johnson took a lot of time with me. I was his favorite child. He always seemed to single me out and show me special attention over the other children. All of my life all I ever heard was how special I was to Grandpa Johnson and Maggie.
A few months after we went to live with them Grandma Maggie died while working in the crab factory. It was a shock. She dropped dead. I thought, “Why now?” All I could think about was what was going to happen to us. No one else seemed to care about us except Maggie and Grandpa Johnson.

The Voice: “‘Why do good people have to die and bad people live?’ ”

“You are right, I was thinking that at the time.”
Maggie’s death didn’t bring my parents back together. My father came for the funeral, left us with his father, and went on his way. I wondered how daddy could leave us again. He never asked how things were going. I could have told him some things had he taken the time, or cared to know. He didn’t care. His life and happiness was all that mattered.

With Grandpa Johnson’s physical limitation, I assumed the role of mother to the other three kids. No one asked me. I was the oldest. I was okay with that until Grandpa Johnson insisted I sleep with him at night.

At first I thought, “He misses her.” I was uncomfortable but I dismissed it. His behavior was confusing but I dared not question him.

********

I have no memory of when I started to school or any early learning experience. I do remember my first encourager: her name was Ms. Helen. She was an elementary school piano teacher. She was the first person who praised me. I’m not sure how I ended up taking piano lessons. My mother’s sisters were into singing and piano so I guess I took the interest from them.

I don’t remember what I did to cause Ms. Helen’s comments but I have never forgotten her words. “Ashley, you are improving. If you work a little harder at this you could get good at it.” I bottled those words. I hung onto them because no one had ever told me that I could do anything.

********

What prompted Grandma Ethel to feel that Grandpa Johnson couldn’t take care of four children alone, especially three girls, I don’t know, but Grandma Ethel came and took us to live with her. She felt girls needed to have a woman around. I resented her. I felt secure with Grandpa Johnson. I was too young to do anything about the move or to have any say so. I didn’t want to go with her. I wanted my mom and dad. We had been sheltered from my mother’s parents. My first reaction was to dislike her. She seemed a bit rough, cold, and hateful.

Ethel and Jessie had twelve children. My mother was the oldest girl. There were four left at home. I left Grandpa Johnson’s house not trusting adults. By this time I had formed the opinion that little children had no decision in what happened to them.
I fought adjusting to her house. I longed to be back with Grandpa Johnson. I worried about him. Grandma Ethel showed her bitterness toward me. She treated me as if I had done something wrong. She reinforced it with words like “You are never going to amount to anything but a house full of children and no man around to take care of them.” She associated my looking like my father to not being good. According to her, that look alike was enough to doom me to failure in life.

The bad feelings of the past returned. I wanted to take a break from this writing. I prayed silently that God would help me get through these feelings. A promise was a promise. I had to continue.

Living with Grandma Ethel was an adjustment because four of her kids were still at home. We didn’t bring a lot of things, except our clothes. The few we had became community property. We shared beds and sometimes underwear with the others.

The Voice: “Aunt Viola liked to play house with you. You didn’t like it because she always wanted you to play the daddy, the man.”

I couldn’t object because she was bigger than I, so I let her have her way with me. Silently, in my mind, I would tell her, “I’m not a daddy. I’m a girl like you. Get off me. You’re too heavy. I don’t like this. Please get up. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

My heart sank into sadness remembering how helpless I felt.

**********

I hated Sunday mornings at Grandma Ethel’s house. Everyone had to go to church. You didn’t miss church. Church frightened me. People shouting, jumping up and down, screaming—they seemed out of control. The teaching part of Sunday School I enjoyed. Grandma Ethel pretended to be a loving and kind person at church, but at home she was mean and hateful.

Sundays always brought the preacher home to dinner. There was never enough to eat, but the preacher always ate first. We looked on, hoping he would leave enough to fill our tummies. Sometimes Grandma Ethel would give us the uneaten portion left on his plate. Her actions made me dislike preachers.

The Voice: “She was the only grand-mother that ever took you to church, forced you to go to church.”

I thought for a moment, “It’s true.” Bible verses echoed in my mind. It was through this forced experience I learned there was another source of love besides my grandparents and my parents.

The Voice: “You thought I had forsaken you. I was there all the time.”

Grandma Ethel had enrolled us in a school near where she lived. It was a small wooden building, nothing fancy; it set back off the road.

The Voice: “That’s where you wore the shoes with the hog ring in the toe to hold the sole on.”

Grandma Ethel’s bitterness was visible in how she dressed me. She wouldn’t repair my dresses. She made excuses not to buy me shoes. I remembered the day she told Grandpa Jessie to put a hog ring in my shoe because I was destructive, tore up everything. She claimed that the reason I had to go around like this was because my mother wasn’t sending money regularly to take care of us.

As I boarded the bus for school I was apprehensive about my appearance. I feared whether the kids would notice my shoe and make fun of me. I thought, “This is her way of hurting me.” Just as I was thinking about running away—

The Voice: “It’s not what you wear that makes you, it’s what I am down on the inside of you. Don’t let it bother you, walk with your head held high.”

Yes, those were the words that comforted me. I vowed that morning never to let my grandmother break me; that I had to be strong.

********

My new school was okay. My math teacher favored me. He took a liking to me, began giving me his lunches. His sandwiches were filled with meat as opposed to mine, which were usually peanut butter and jelly. It was never anything I liked. I grew suspicious of his motives because it was happening too often. After awhile I took the sandwich out of courtesy and respect for him as an adult. His generosity caused me to be guarded.

One evening the Professor showed up at Grandma Ethel’s wanting to take me to some school event. I protested but Grandma Ethel made me go.

The Voice: “That was the night you found yourself walking down the road with your underpants in your hand, sobbing that she will not believe you. She’ll think you were the cause of it.”

That was all I remembered from that night.
The things I saw at Grandma Ethel’s house. The images of a couple of small kids giving oral pleasure to my aunt Michelle in the outhouse would never go away. The other was the image of a baby girl being bounced up and down on Uncle Josh’s lap as his face showed pleasure.

The Voice: “I left those fragments there so you would remember in order to write about them. Do you remember once in your youth you asked me to take it away and I said that I was leaving it there so you could write about it one day?”

Yes, I accepted what was said, and I never questioned again.
At this point I wanted to stop writing, the pain was too great. I did not want to go any further with this. I dismissed the thought. I could feel a presence with me. I held on to His promise to be with me. My desire to see my journey through was more compelling than my pain. I refused to stop.
The story must be told.

********

In one of my playful moments as a child, I was wrestling with an old hound dog that hung out in the yard. I was trying to ride him like a horse. I straddled his back and as his back rubbed between my thighs, a warmth poured from my body.

The Voice: “You were aroused.”

Now I know. I panicked, leaped off the dog, blinded by tears, and ran from place to place in the yard looking for somewhere to hide. I was afraid of what was happening to me. I ended up in the barn. I was scared. I couldn’t stop crying. I heard myself saying, “What’s wrong with me?”

The Voice: “By this time you had been violated and used enough times that you were sexually aroused.”

I knew something was wrong. I never talked to anybody about what happened that day. I dismissed it as just another question about what was wrong with me. I had no intention of straddling another dog’s back.

The journey slows down with the chicken house incident. This memory brought on feelings of shame. This was the time I cornered my brother Armstrong in the hen house and attempted to undo his pants.

The Voice: “Stop that. What are you doing? That’s wrong. Not your brother.”

Those were the words I heard that day. I shutter to think what would have happened had I been allowed to have sex with my brother that day. I ran away leaving my brother standing there in confusion.

The Voice: “You heard my voice and obeyed it.”

********

There was little or no contact with my mother or father. The relationship between Grandma Ethel and I continued to deteriorate. I couldn’t understand why I was not able to live up to her expectations.

Jonathan was Grandma Ethel’s baby boy. He was a few weeks older than I. He was never chastised or punished for the wrongs that we committed together as kids. I didn’t think it was fair. I wanted to get even so I talked my brother into helping me. This particular day we coaxed Jonathan into climbing up into a willow tree in the yard.

Once he got to the top we planted a rake with the teeth face up at the base of the tree and covered it over with grass. We then threw rocks at Jonathan until he got angry enough to come after us. When he jumped down the teeth stuck in his feet. My brother and I got whipped, but we got revenge.

Grandma Ethel figured out that I was probably the one who led my brother into doing it. She wanted me out of her house because she thought I was evil. Grandma Ethel told mother that I was uncontrollable, had a problem, and needed a psychiatrist.
I looked for my mom or dad to rescue me but they didn’t. Instead my mother called my uncle’s wife, Bernadette, and talked to her about taking me to live with them. They lived next door. It was a dream come true.

********

Uncle Cecil and Aunt Bernadette were nice people. They had three kids. The oldest had leukemia and was always under the doctors’ care. My uncle worked as a merchant seaman. He wasn’t home that often. My aunt welcomed me as a part of her family and treated me well. I tried to please her by being as helpful as possible around the house.

She won my confidence. I opened up to her. I told her some of the things that were going on at Grandma Ethel’s house. There were more modern comforts at her house. She had color T.V., new furnishings. My first positive impression of motherhood came through watching her with her kids. I envied my cousins because they had their mother. During that time I felt no one really cared about me. At times I wished I could die, disappear off the face of the earth.

Things were going along pretty well until Aunt Bernadette missed some of her makeup. She knew I didn’t take them, but she had suspicions. I was eager to repay her for her goodness to me.

Even though I didn’t live with my grandmother everyday, I had to go there to help with the chores. On my visit this particular day, I decided to search Aunt Viola’s dresser drawers. I found the missing cosmetics. I thought I could use this to bargain with my grandmother. I thought this discovery would prove to my grandmother that I was good. I couldn’t wait to tell her. It didn’t change her mind. Instead what happened surprised me. She turned on me and accused me of taking the makeup.

As she hurled accusations, she was heading toward the willow tree to take a switch. Before I could recover my senses as to what was about to happen, she demanded that I hold out my hand. As she laid the willow switch to my palm, I could feel it cut into the flesh of my hand. The pain filled my head. I no longer cared who she was. She was wrong. I had done nothing. I had to stop her. Her feelings of dislike toward me had gone on long enough. As she raised the switch to connect with my hand again, I grabbed it. She tried to pull it out of my hand. I gripped it tight, and as I stared into her eyes, I heard myself say, “If you hit me again, I will kill you.”

The Voice: “That day she pushed you over the edge. You were angry enough to carry out the threat.”

In that moment I hated her, but something covered me and my anger left as quickly as it came. I didn’t like what I became that day. I was ashamed of that vile creature that surfaced. I silently vowed never to allow that person to surface again. Grandma Ethel called my mother and said I was crazy. She wanted my mother to take me right away but it didn’t happen. She never hit me again but her mistreatment continued. She liked to humiliate me, put me down in front of the other kids.

My father started writing me letters. I don’t know if I wrote him first, but we began corresponding with each other. Sometimes he would send two or three dollars in the letter. Grandma Ethel would intercept the letters and take the money out. She made me stand in front of the other children and read the letter out loud while they snickered. This was her way of getting back at me. I felt powerless.
Word came that Grandpa Johnson was sick, and no one knew whether he was going to make it. Grandma Ethel refused to take me to see him, though rumor had it that he was asking for me.

I remember crying out, “Is there anybody who will shield me from all of this?”

The Voice: “I will.”

Those words were the response to my question. At the time I felt like giving up. I was trapped and hopeless but I knew I had to get through it. I hated Grandma Ethel. I felt sorry for my siblings who were being used for sexual pleasure.

*********

Daddy and I wrote each other often. In one of his writings the subject of buying a gift came up. I’m not sure whether I asked him or he asked me. I couldn’t decide what I wanted. I hadn’t received many gifts, so I was excited and a bit boastful.

I asked Aunt Viola, “What should I ask for?”
Why I let her select the gift, I don’t know. Maybe I wanted to get on her good side.
She picked a typewriter because she was taking typing in school and needed one to practice on at home. I had no idea what a typewriter was. Daddy didn’t question my request. The typewriter arrived soon after my letter was mailed. When the gift came, I never got to touch it. Aunt Viola took it over. I tried not to let it bother me.

********

While staying at Aunt Bernadette’s house, I noticed what seemed to me like I was looking out at the world through a window. Observing, but not really an active participant. Just going through the motions of walking my way through my space. My spirit had been dampened. I became more submissive, withdrawn. All I could think about was when I grow up this would be over, and no one would ever harm me again.
Freezing hurt feelings of rejection became a habit, especially when a situation was out of my control. I functioned in a disconnected state. I was physically in the presence of others but mentally I was elsewhere. I pumped myself with self-talk about how I didn’t need anybody, I would get through this, that I was different. I lived in fear of being found out. I had to keep myself under control. I had no idea what I was afraid for people to know. I covered up anything that would cause others to focus on my behavior or question my sanity.

Out of the four grandchildren, I was the one chosen to be baptized. Grandma Ethel insisted that I was evil, had the devil in me, is the way it was expressed. I was distrusting of her motives. I thought she and the preacher were plotting to harm me.
I prayed but God didn’t answer my prayers. Why wasn’t God answering my prayers? Was I really so bad, as my grandmother had so often told me? I kept talking to God, asking him when he was going to rescue me from all of this, but nothing, no satisfaction. As I tried to reason it out in my mind that God had given up on me, I heard—

The Voice: “God loves you and he does have a plan for your life.”

I hung on to the hope that there was a God somewhere. That I had to hold on until I reached him or he found me.

I often talked out loud to God. That was my way of staying sane, communicating with him. People told me that you could talk to God, so I just continued to have conversations with him. I figured maybe one day he would answer. If I kept seeking and proved myself worthy, he might have mercy on me and come to dwell in my life.

*********

Just when I thought I was out of danger, an older cousin on Grandma Ethel’s side of the family cornered me in the indoor gymnasium at school and attempted to have sex with me. It was dark. I fought him off and ran outside into the open. I couldn’t help feeling like I deserved this. On the other hand, I questioned why he would want to do this to his relative. I was beginning to feel that I had to be on guard with adults as well as other children. I didn’t feel safe.

*********

I missed having a mother and father. I wanted to be part of a complete family unit. I had given up on dad when he showed up out of nowhere, no warning, and announced he wanted to raise us. I had mixed feelings about him. Part of me wanted to shout for joy and believe that it was going to be forever. The other part wanted to stick my tongue out at Grandma Ethel and say, “See, I told you he loved us,” but I dared not.
He had been gone so long from my life I didn’t know him. After all, he had left us before, so how could I think that he might have changed. My instincts were telling me to wait and see, not to get my hopes up.

Grandma Ethel watched me like a hawk. She hinted that I “better not” tell daddy a bunch of lies on her. I couldn’t wait to tell him what she had been doing and how she treated us, but I held back. He didn’t seem interested in how we had been getting along. He moved us back into the house he and my mother lived in before they separated. That house scared me. I remember nothing of it, except that it was spooky. I wanted a safe place.

I hoped daddy was going to keep his word to Grandma Ethel. I could see she was reluctant. I didn’t care whether we had a mother. I had been the mother before, and I could do it again. Daddy was in and out. I assumed the mother role once again. I never knew where he was most of the time. I did the best I knew how for my younger siblings. We were being left alone too often, but my father was an adult, how could I tell him what to do. I didn’t complain or say anything to anyone on the outside.
I would do anything to keep from going back to Grandma Ethel’s place. Daddy never talked to me about what he was planning to do with us. I didn’t question him. I silently watched him come and go.

*********

One day as I stood on the back porch of the house watching a mother duck playing with her ducklings, running about, happy, a feeling came over me to kill the mother. I went and got the hatchet, grabbed the mother up, drew back and just as I was about to connect, I heard—

The Voice: “Don’t do that.”
I was so angry and determined I didn’t want to stop. I proceeded to cut off a part of the foot. My goal was the whole foot, to cripple her. I let go of the mother and began to cry. As I put her down I could see that she could still function with her foot half chopped away; I was relieved.

The Voice: “That day you were crying out for help. You wanted to destroy the mother of those baby ducks because you had no mother and you didn’t want them to have a mother.”

It’s true; I lashed out at the mother duck. I didn’t want to hurt her but I felt deserted. I was hurting. I blamed my parents for not making sure that we were safe. I didn’t want to be a mother. Why couldn’t my mother take care of her own children? My younger siblings had no one else, so I had no choice, being the oldest.

Our food supply was running low. Daddy hadn’t mentioned replacing it. Instead, on this particular afternoon I heard a car pull up. I looked out the window to see a lady and a couple of kids in the back seat of daddy’s car. Something in the pit of my stomach told me that it wasn’t good news. The lady stayed in the car with the kids.

As I watched him approach the house I didn’t know what to make of it. He sat me down and told me he was leaving for Baltimore, Maryland. I didn’t comment. He said when he got settled he would be back for us. I never questioned him about who those people were in his car and why he was taking them and not us. He didn’t mention any instructions as to how we were to eat, sleep, or survive while he was gone.

I didn’t say anything. I heard him out. He was leaving me in the house to care for three small kids with a sack of potatoes. He left no money to shop for groceries, just a kiss “goodbye” and off he went. I tried to hide it for a few days, but Grandma Ethel found out. Daddy never asked me not to tell. I didn’t want to go back to Grandma Ethel’s place. Now, this would really be fuel to add to the fire of hatred she already held for him. I really felt thrown away by daddy.

I had learned to get control of weak emotions quickly and move on, but with each hurt I grew numb inside.

In a way I was glad Grandma Ethel came to our rescue because I was worried about how I was going to feed the children. I didn’t want to be a mother.
Nothing had changed with Grandma Ethel. She talked about my father abandoning us in the house with nothing to eat. She made it clear she didn’t want us back at her house but there was no one else to take us. Daddy never came back. We never saw him again.

It hurt to know daddy didn’t love us enough to see to our well being. I could never figure out why daddy did this but I decided that I wouldn’t allow his lack of concern to destroy me. I wasn’t going to waste my energy loving him.

********

Our stay with Grandma Ethel was a short one. My mother sent for us to come to live with her in Brooklyn, New York. She was tired of Grandma Ethel complaining about us. I didn’t care what her reasons were, I wanted to leave that hellhole and never go back. Grandma Ethel packed all of our things, except my typewriter. That wasn’t going on this trip. I didn’t put up a fuss. I knew one day it would be returned to me.

I suppressed my excitement because I didn’t want to be disappointed again. I boarded the bus with apprehension and fear of meeting new people in a strange place, but I looked forward to a new beginning. I was leaving old hurt memories behind, locked away, never to be confronted again.

********

I was glad to see my mother but reluctant to show. I didn’t want to be separated from her again. I took it one day at a time. I didn’t know her. There was no mother-daughter bond between us. It would take time to trust her. I couldn’t wait to sit down face to face and tell her all that had happened.

It took me awhile to adjust to having a mother, to hear myself call her mom. My younger sisters and brother settled right in. I was jealous as to how quickly they got comfortable. It was taking me longer.

The Voice: “They’re with their mother. That is their mother. You are not their mother. You only looked after them for her. Now, give them back to their mother. You no longer are responsible for them.”

I was feeling all I had done for them was not important anymore, that they had abandoned me. After I heard these words I let go and tried to settle back into a child’s place. A week or two passed. I was still working my way back into being a child and realized that I had forgotten how to be carefree.

I maintained a watchful eye over the kids, even though they were with their mother. I wanted to feel safe. I loved having my mother there to talk to, to sit by, to put a loving hand on me. I never wanted to leave her. I was experiencing the security of having a mother around.

I wanted to open up to her but I held back. She seemed like such a good mother. Surely she would want to know what happened with her children. I caught her alone one afternoon while the other children were downstairs playing. I told her about Aunt Michelle having my younger siblings perform oral sex on her in the outhouse. I tried to read her face. I proceeded to tell her about Uncle Josh bouncing my baby sister up and down on his lap taking sexual pleasure.

She stopped me, hushed me. I could tell that she didn’t know what to do. She told me to forget about it. She said, “It’s all over now. I’ve got you. You’re here.”
I stared in her eyes. I was hurt. This wasn’t enough for me. I wanted her to take revenge, to get angry, go after them, expose them. When she didn’t talk in that direction, I grew angry. My mind flooded with bitterness, “She doesn’t love me either. I thought she did. She is supposed to be my mother. She doesn’t care what happens to us. Don’t trust her.”

All the air had been let out of my balloon. I felt low, worthless.

The Voice: “Ashley, you know what to do. Forget about her. You have not been able to count on your family. Put it behind you and move on. One day the story will be told.”

Those words lifted me up. I had to go the distance. My confidence surfaced. I had to take responsibility for my own life, at least the things I could control. That day I took another vow, never to be taken advantage of again or allow any harm to come to my younger siblings. I was bigger now and not as helpless.

*********

We arrived in Brooklyn at the beginning of summer. I liked Brooklyn. We had all summer to get to know the area and the people, our neighbors. I had never seen apartment buildings so high up off the ground. I was fascinated by all the street signs and the activity of the Brooklyn streets.

My first memory of my age was after moving to New York. I was 12. It seems that’s when my life began to have real meaning. My two sisters and I shared a room. We slept in the same bed. I was feeling a bit caged and cramped with this arrangement but I didn’t complain. My nights were restless. It was hard to sleep in a way that I didn’t come in contact with either sister’s breath in my face. I would wake up in a panic attack, ordering them to change positions or turn away from me. I was afraid of the dark so my mother accommodated me sometimes with leaving a little light on in the room. I slept fully clothed most of the time. I didn’t like any part of my body to be exposed.

Not too long after we arrived, Aunt Michelle came to live with us. When I saw her I thought that it was cruel for her to invade our new beginning. I was hoping my mother would never have anything to do with her again. It was her sister, so that was unrealistic. My mother never talked to me about her coming to live with us so I kept a silent and watchful eye on her. I wondered had my mother talked to her. I dared not ask. Instead, she acted so normal that I begin to doubt what I saw. I questioned whether I dreamed it all up. I hoped that her visit was a bad dream and that she would be gone soon. Aunt Michelle’s stay in our house was brief; she moved out on her own.

It wasn’t long after our arrival in Brooklyn that I started meeting kids my own age. I was apprehensive about them getting too close. I didn’t want them to know I came from a broken home. I had never heard kids talking together, sharing childhood stories with each other. I didn’t know how to talk about kid things. I was learning what a child’s life was like. Sometimes they would ask me about my childhood, things I use to do, and I couldn’t answer them. I soon realized that every child had a past and I needed one, too. It was part of being normal. So I made up stories about how much my Grandma Maggie and Grandpa Johnson loved me, how they spoiled me with things. I told them about my loving father.

*********

Summer ended and school began. My first day of school was rough. My mother walked me to school. There were a lot of kids to interact with. I was nervous about so many kids around me at one time. I procrastinated about getting dressed each morning. My mother grew annoyed with me. I sensed that she was about to leave me to go on my own sooner than I was ready to. Her last effort was to introduce me to this group of girls who lived on the corner. She noticed them going in the same direction to school. They agreed to let me join them on their walk to school in the mornings. Shortly after joining them I found out they smoked cigarettes, pot, and drank wine. They hung around with the roughest boy gang in the neighborhood. I suspected that one or two of them were having sex.

I never let on to my mother as to what was going on. I continued going to school with them. I knew my mother didn’t put me with them to do these things so I didn’t. Besides, I was afraid if I did those things I would be sent away again. I didn’t want to risk losing the good feeling of having a mother around. She had enough to worry about; I didn’t want to add to it.

The girls sometimes called me square but they never attempted to challenge me. I was not easy to read. I looked mean all the time; I didn’t smile much; I was quiet. They left me alone.

We got through the school year without a fight among us. I could tell that this wasn’t going to last. This girl named Shimaya had gotten pretty friendly with us over the course of the school year. She was overweight and wanted to be accepted. Her family was a little better off than most in our neighborhood so the girls didn’t like her because they felt she was a bit too uppity. Shimaya didn’t help the situation because she bragged a lot about what she had and how much she paid for it.

*********

Before we knew it, another summer was upon us. The school year was over. The church around the corner offered summer camp activities to keep the young people off the street and out of trouble. We all decided to enroll. A week before it started a rumor surfaced about my dad being a no good jailbird. I got mad. I never talked about my dad to anyone, but I sure wasn’t going to sit back and let anyone slander his name.
By the time we entered camp I had hoped that it was over, that the talk was finish. To my displeasure, about a week into camp activity it surfaced. One of the girls named Denise told me that Shimaya said it and that I should kick her butt.

That meant I would have to fight her or they would pick on me from then on. I told Shimaya, “I will kick your butt.” We started arguing in the church. The Camp Director told us, “Take it outside.”

The gang members looked on outside as I positioned my body to fight Shimaya. Her hands flailed in the air. I struck with closed fist. She swung at me with an open palm. She never touched me. After the fight started I knew that I could beat her, that she couldn’t win. I didn’t want to hurt her but I had to make it look good to satisfy the gang. Shimaya gave up. I won. At that point I turned to look each of the gang members in the face and challenged any of them to step forward. But no one took me on. They went on about their business, leaving Shimaya and I alone. I apologized to her and we parted as friends.

Word would travel fast. I had to get upstairs and tell my mother before anyone else did. I didn’t know what I was going to tell my mother. By the time I got upstairs—I couldn’t stop crying. I apologized to my mother for fighting in the street, disgracing the family with my behavior.

I learned a few lessons that day. I would never allow anyone to bring me down to that level again. I did gain the satisfaction of knowing that I could defend myself if I needed to. Those girls had been known to carry a weapon or two, mainly knives.

The Voice: “Had you fought one of the girls you went to school with daily and they lost—”

“I see.”
It might have been a different outcome. Shimaya took it well. I knew there was another force operating with me that day.
The fight brought respect from the group. It stopped the rumors and there were no further challenges or threats. I had won them over. My confidence went up. I felt good about the outcome. Everybody got what they wanted, and Shimaya and I became friends.

*********

I had my mother to myself for a little while, until I noticed this gentleman friend of hers hanging around. His name was Carlton. He was about six-foot tall, medium build, smooth dark skin, and black curly hair. He liked to drink, dance, and have fun. He spent a lot of time at our house. On first meeting I was jealous; I didn’t want him to take my dad’s place. I hoped since we had been separated so long from our mother that we would be enough for her. We had a lot of time to make up; I was wrong; we were not enough. I wanted my father and mother back together.

I could see that Carlton was getting closer. The possibility of mom and dad reuniting seemed slim. One morning I woke up, he had moved in. My mother didn’t ask me what I thought, whether I agreed; she just did it. After what had happened with us, I thought she would be careful who she had around us, but it didn’t seem to bother her. None of the other children seemed to mind his presence. Terry took to him right away;

I felt betrayed. Terry was so comfortable with him she walked around in her panties in front of him. My efforts to tell her that this was not a good idea were in vain, so I stopped trying and just sat back and watched.

My suspicions were confirmed. One night, as I lay in between my two sisters, I heard footsteps coming toward our bedroom. The light was on. It was Carlton. I didn’t know what to do. I pretended to be asleep. He was standing over our bed. My gown had come up over my hips. I was scared. I didn’t have time to pull it down. I dared not move. He reached into a small tear in my underwear to fondle me. Simultaneously, I heard my mother ask what he was doing. I breathed a sigh of relief, “She’s awake.”
His reply, “Just covering the girls up.”

My new beginning was shattered. I thought my mother would protect me. Questions flooded my mind, “What did I do to deserve this, to cause him to single me out? I’m no good. I deserve it.”

I felt guilty about what he had done.

The Voice: “Forget about it. Get over it. You can’t do anything about it now. You’ll get through it.”

Soothed by those words, I settled into sleep, with the hope that I would overcome this and there was a future. I couldn’t bring myself to tell my mother right away. Ironically, I told Aunt Michelle first and she advised me to talk to my mother. Her advice confused me. I pondered her face. The thought surfaced, “Could I have been wrong? Was she and Uncle Josh doing those things back then? How could she be guilty when she suggested that I tell my mother. She’s acting so normal, like nothing ever happened.”

My mother’s reaction to my accusation against Carlton shocked me. It was the same: overlook it, pretend it didn’t happen. I was crushed. At this point I didn’t like her. I was disappointed. She also had two faces. What went through my mind was, the whole family was trying to make me crazy. I was not going to risk being pushed out of control. Through self-talk I pulled myself together: “Can’t let them drive me crazy. This is a dream. It’s not happening. There’s something wrong with these people. Am I important to anyone? They will pay for this. I will not allow them to destroy my life.”

*********

Burying the hurts got easier. I vowed I would never set myself up to be disappointed by family or outsiders again. I had waited so long for my mother’s hugs and kisses. I felt betrayed. I wanted to sever every feeling inside of me that made me vulnerable to hurt. I tried to hate my mother over and over again but I couldn’t; instead, I denied her motherly shortcomings. I wanted a supportive, nurturing family. It was at that point that I began to create the ideal mother image. I told my friends and acquaintances how protective and supportive my mother was. How she loved and encouraged me to be the best. It was nobody’s business what went on in our house. I didn’t want or need pity. I was going to achieve in spite of all of this. I would prove my worth for all eyes to see.

********

I was afraid of anyone uncovering the truth of my past. I had to stay strong. I wasn’t going to break. No one was going to probe my mind. I would accept no excuses for failing nor allow anyone to doom me to failure. I was fighting my fight to win, to grow up normal. I wanted to prove that I could come through all of this and have a productive life.

Read Chapter II (stories) on www.authorsden.com/blondieclayton